For Life: For Love
by The Purple Ghost
Summary: Kagome ran away for a new Life. Inuyasha chased after her for love. With a past between them that’s as clear as muddy water, can Inuyasha convince her that what they have is worth it? Or has Kagome finally made up her mind to move on? Finally Complete.
1. Prologue Part One: For Life

_I don't own Inuyasha. Or the song._

_Prologue Part One: For Life. _

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_The first cut is the deepest._

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It all started the winter break of my sophomore year of high school. My dad's job was again requiring that my family pick up our roots and move to another town, only this move would take us out of Japan and to the United States. I, of course, being the rebellious teen that I was, refused to leave my home country. I would not send my last year and a half of high school in a foreign school with strange foreign people.

Not that I have anything against Americans… I've met some very nice Americans… I just didn't want to leave everything I knew… I guess you could say that I was scared… Looking back, I think it would have been better if I'd have gone with them… I think it would have saved me a lot of trouble…but I'm getting ahead of myself.

When my parents couldn't convince me to go (and I had ran away from home twice) they finally consented to let me live with my widower uncle and his two kids. I was thrilled, because I hadn't seen Sango-chan or Kohaku-chan in years, and now I was going to get to live with them…

Sango and I hit it off wonderfully when I arrived. Gosh, I love that girl. Good times Good times…but again I digress. After I had settled in, Sango decided I needed to meet her friends so that when school started back up after winter break I would know several people. I was grateful, having experienced the awkwardness of changing schools in the middle of the year several times; I knew just what a gift she was offering me. But she ended up giving me more than just friends. That's when I met the love of my life, Inuyasha.

Although, at that time he was just a rude, arrogant, violent, stubborn…you get the picture. I also met Sango's other friends at the same time. There was the slightly perverted Miroku, and the ice queen Kikyou. Kikyou, who quite amazingly could have been my twin, except for the fact that she was reserved when I was loud, sarcastic when I was naïve, and graceful every time I fell on my ass. We were even both on the archery team, although her skill was a bit more honed than mine. Our teacher said that I could have been just as good if I had been more focused. I think I stopped trying in archery after that. Even then I was getting tired of being compared to Kikyou. If only I had known. But I didn't, and I'm digressing again.

I felt a little out of the loop that first day, me sitting clueless while they laughed at all their inside jokes. But slowly I was let in on all the insideness of things, and in less than a month no one could tell that I was transplanted into the group… And surprisingly I found the closest friends anyone could ever ask for…in Inuyasha and Kikyou. You see after I had been there for about two months Miroku asked Sango out. As they began to pair off to do couple things, Inuyasha, Kikyou, and I were increasingly left alone together. By the end of our sophomore year we were inseparable….

It was a bit strange, two girls and a guy, always together like that. But we never really thought about it. Kikyou and I just wanted to be near Inuyasha, and as far as I can tell that's what he wanted too. Someone jokingly told Inuyasha that he was the luckiest guy in high school to have two hot girl friends that followed him around everywhere like puppies. Inuyasha sent the guy to the hospital for saying that, but I think his teasing words woke something up inside Kikyou and me. After that we both tried to developed friendships of the romantic sort with other guys in our school, but Inuyasha made it difficult. He was a very possessive friend and he didn't want to share us with any one else. Especially not when he was convinced that Kouga was some kind of speed demon who would only date me until he got what he wanted then he would leave me faster than I could blink, and that Onigumo, Kikyou's choice, was pure evil.

So Inuyasha convinced us that the only guy we really needed was him. And like little lambs we both came back, but it was different this time. Kikyou and I both realized that we loved him. That's when we started to drift apart, her and me. It was a slow thing…and I didn't even realize what was happening until Sango mentioned that Kikyou and I were competing against each other more than usual.

But things didn't really change much. Inuyasha still treated us the same as he had always done. That is until Kikyou got sick. She was out of school for a week, nothing seriously wrong with her, but Inuyasha never left her house. I felt a little – okay, more than a little - jealous of the time she was getting with him one on one, but I never said anything. Maybe if I had, things would have turned out differently, ne?

Things changed after that week. And unlike the other changes this one wasn't gradual. Suddenly, Inuyasha and Kikyou never had time to do anything with me. I convinced myself that it was just that they were both busy because graduation was coming up. I ignored all those knowing, pitying glances in the halls that said everyone was in on the joke but me. I looked the other way and refused to meet his eyes when Inuyasha sent me his "we have to talk" looks.

I guess I learned a valuable lesson though… Your world doesn't have to have your permission to crumble.

It all came to a head the night of the senior dance. Inuyasha, Kikyou and I had planed for months to go together. After all, this was our last big party before we all left for college and just because we were all enrolled in the same institution didn't matter.

Everything was great. I got to dance with Inuyasha, and for the first time I realized that he hasn't hugged me close in a long, long time. After he danced with me, it was naturally Kikyou's turn. I'll never forget the smile she gave me. It was sad, like she really regretted something. I shook it off. Too giddy from just being held so close be Inuyasha to let her get me down. I lost sight of them after that as I had fun with Sango and Miroku. It wasn't until the crowning of the king and queen that I noticed that they weren't in the ball room.

Kikyou needed to be crowned, so I went off looking for her. I found more than I bargained on finding. Outside, on the balcony overlooking Tokyo in all her splendor, were Inuyasha and Kikyou. And they were kissing. The words I had prepared to call Kikyou with died in my throat. All that came out was a dry, mangled sob. I turned around and fled before I could find out if they heard me or not. By the time I got back to the main ball room my make-up was a mess and I couldn't stop sobbing. Sango took one look at me and knew what was wrong. Hell, every one in that stupid place knew what was wrong, even our blind Japanese teacher who was at the dance as a chaperone. I was the only one who was clueless to what had been happening with my two best friends behind my back. And to make matters worse I was clueless by choice. All the signs that I had ignore came back to haunt me.

Sango and Miroku took me home that Friday night, and by that Monday I was on a plane to L.A. I didn't say good-bye to either Inuyasha or Kikyou. The prospect of seeing them after the secret they had kept from me, and then finishing high school and going off to the same college as they were, was just too much for me. I left Japan and the future I had planned out for myself, and went to live with my parents. A week after I moved in with them my high school sent my final scores. A week later I got an invitation to Miroku's and Sango's wedding. I never heard from Inuyasha or Kikyou. Not one word.

But Sango kept me posted on life in Japan, as I found a college in America and brushed up on my English. Kikyou and Inuyasha were now sharing a small apartment off campus and going to school full time. She didn't hold any information back, not even if she thought withholding it would spare my feelings. I think she was still feeling guilty for not telling about their secret relationship. I often wondered if they ever asked about me, but that was the one thing I never asked her. I didn't want to know. I guess I was still hiding from the reality of it.

Time has a way of healing wounds though, and after my first year of college things were beginning to look up. I met and started to date a very nice Japanese guy. It was so nice to have someone to talk to! My parents refused to speak their native tongue so Houjo was like a dream come true. He was also Inuyasha's total opposite in every way. He showered me with gifts and all of his attention was devoted to me. I knew I could never love him the way I loved Inuyasha, but I decided I would die trying.

Our first anniversary of being together came, and we decided that we were both ready to deepen our relationship. Everything was perfect, from the champagne to the candles. I thought that I was truly ready to give Houjo this special part of myself. Then the phone rang. At first I was going to forget it, but Houjo urged me to answer it because it might be important.

Sango's voice spilled over the line. I still remember how the crackling of the long distance line made her voice sound like a weeping old woman. At first I thought her frantic all had something to do with the child she was carrying, but I soon found out just how wrong I was. Inuyasha and Kikyou had been in a horrible accident. Neither of them were expected to live. I didn't even think twice about it. Houjo and everything else was forgotten as I threw some clothes in a bag and headed for the airport. I called my mom and told her that I would be back in two weeks. I called my professors and told them I would be back in two weeks…

I stayed for five years.

Inuyasha came out of his coma soon after I arrived, but Kikyou remained in hers. I never left Inuyasha's side the whole time he was in the hospital getting well…and I never once visited Kikyou. I blamed her for what had happened because she knew how much I loved him. Inuyasha, I guess I blamed him for what had happened too, but right then I blamed her more.

Inuyasha and I never talked about high school. We pretended that we never knew each other then, I think. I moved in with him the day he came home from the hospital so that he would have someone to take care of him. I failed my second year spring semester back in America and broke Houjo's heart. I found work in Tokyo, at a Shinto shrine's souvenir shop, to help pay the rent. Sango had her first child. Inuyasha started back to school in the fall, and somehow convinced me to start too. Without realizing it, I decided not to go back to America. I decided to forget the pain Inuyasha had caused me in the past and to start over with him.

Kikyou never woke up.

Inuyasha still went to see Kikyou every day, bringing her fresh cut flowers no matter what the season. He never told me about his trips and I never asked. I was just happy to have most of his attention for the first time since I had figured out that I loved him. And slowly we became a couple. I think it had something to do with us spending so much time with Miroku, Sango, and their small son, Rei. Or maybe it was because he missed Kikyou so much and I was the next best thing. Whatever the case, I didn't question what twist of fate that had made us lovers, I just accepted it.

It was only when Miroku and Sango announced that they were expecting a second child that I felt some of my happiness slip. Inuyasha and I had been together for four years, and I was ready for some commitment. I was 24 years old, I had a good job as an interior designer and he was training under his brother for a CEO position in his father's company. We could afford marriage and a baby now.

But when I asked he had all kinds of excuses on why we couldn't, and he mentioned every one on them at the top of his lungs except the real one. His main one being that I belonged to him anyway and that we didn't need a slip and a service to prove it. But I knew the real reason for his angry hesitation. He still believed that Kikyou would wake up someday. It was on the tip of his tongue, but he never said it. But he didn't have too say it. Over the past four years I had become very good at reading his unsaid sentences.

That night we fought and then made up. That night he told me he loved me and promised me that everything would work out. That night his love making had a desperate edge to it, as if he knew he was losing me too. That night I stopped ignoring the way he whispered her name in his sleep.

I slipped out of his embrace long before the sun came up that morning. I only knew two things for sure. I couldn't stay, and Inuyasha wasn't going to let me go. He had become very possessive of me lately. I knew I just couldn't leave like I had back in high school because Inuyasha would follow me and convince me to come back to play second chair to my one-time best friend.

I left him a note saying I had to work late and some coffee in the pot. Then I cleaned out my bank account and went to see Sango. Just like all those years ago, when she looked at me, she knew what had happened. She knew that I was tired of hiding from the truth. She didn't ask me where I was going, just told me to keep in touch. I hugged her and kissed little Rei on the head. And then I left.

Left…that sounds so simple, ne? Like getting in a car and just driving far, far away from all your problems. I wish it had been that easy, but nothing in life is. First I went back home, knowing that Inuyasha would be at work already. I pack two separate bags of clothes then I sat down and penned a short note to Inuyasha. I don't remember exactly what I said to him, because at that point my body had gone on auto-pilot. I put in under my pillow, in one last childish gesture to make him pay attention to me. I figured that if he missed me enough to hug my pillow tonight when he went to bed then he would find out what happened to me. If not, then I didn't want him to find it anyway.

Next came the tricky part. I went to the airport and bought a one-way ticket to L.A. I put one of my bags on the baggage carousel and even got on the plane. Right before it took off I claimed a family emergency and hurried off the plane. It left without me.

My plan was to now go live with an elder aunt that lived in Kyoto and ran a shrine. She was the perfect choice because Inuyasha didn't know I had any family in Kyoto. By the time he figured out where I wasn't (namely with my parents in America) I would be settled down enough in my new life to be able to refuse to come back with him.

That's where I'm at now. Sitting at Kaede's table, staring out the window into the rain that refused to stop falling. It all started in high school, but I've decided to end it here. I'm going to start over, make new friends, and maybe finally find out what true love really is.


	2. Prologue Part Two: For Love

_I don't own Inuyasha. Or the song_

_Prologue Part Two: For Love._

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_Just one more kiss before you turn and leave_

* * *

I know it sounds lame to say this, but the winter of my sophomore year changed my life. So many things happened that winter that only now, many years later, can I see even half of the significance in my life. But all this shit is a little too deep for me, so I'm going to tell you plainly what happened that had such an impact on me.

I met Kagome.

Sure, at first all I saw when I looked at her was this annoying girl who was clumsy and seemed to always need rescuing (from herself or otherwise). Like the time she "accidentally" caused a food fight in the cafeteria and all the cheerleaders decided pummeling her was worth breaking a nail. Or the time she tripped and fell right into a five foot high tower of matchsticks that Mr. Tsbakui had been building for ten years. She couldn't seem to stay out of trouble, so I did what any self-respecting guy would do when faced with that situation—I tried my best irritate the hell out of her…and to try to be around to catch her when she fell... Of course, no one was supposed to know about that second part and I was only doing that part 'cause I knew she hated being rescued. Or at least that's what I told myself.

Our relationship was simple: insult, insult, trip, save, repeat. And it would have stayed like that if it wasn't for the fact that Miroku and Sango started going out. After that, it was either make Kagome my friend by being nicer, or send a lot of time staring at the wall while Sango and Miroku made out. Kagome was a lot more interesting than the wall.

Of course there was Kikyou. I could have just hung out with her and forgotten about the new girl entirely, but as much as I liked her, she wasn't very talkative. Plus, I had known her since we were both three and she politely asked me to try out her mud pie. Fuck, I even knew there was a tiny mole on her left butt cheek. Clearly there was nothing we could really talk about that we hadn't already covered. So I sucked it up and decided to actually be nice to Kagome…on a trial basis, you understand… And much to my surprise I found out that Kagome wasn't that bad. In fact I rather liked her. And Kikyou liked her. Everything was perfect. By the end of that year we never went anywhere without each other. A half demon and two potential mikos… I bet we were the strangest group of friends in all of Japan.

And that's how it was for a long time, and I can say that I was truly happy. Kagome was always a bundle of energy, ready to take on the world one barely-thought-out prank at a time. After a while Kagome and I got to know the principal by name because we practically saw him more than his own family…or at least that's what he told us at the top of his lungs on a regular basis. Kikyou, of course, never participated in any of our fun. Kagome always said that she was so good that she balanced all our badness out. Privately, I thought of Kagome and Kikyou as some sort of human yin and yang. That's how different they were. Of course it wasn't all roses. We had our rough times (like when Kagome and Kikyou decided to date losers. Of course I took care of that) but all in all we were happy.

Or at least I was happy until Miroku started saying things like, "You're going to have to choose between those girls one day Inuyasha." "If you don't make up you're mind soon, you'll lose them both Inuyasha." "Kikyou or Kagome, Inuyasha?"

It was enough to make my head ring. Of course I knew they both loved me! I loved them too; they were my best friends for fuck's sake! Every time I said that, Miroku would get this little look of pity in his eyes and just shake his head. I didn't get it then, and sometimes I think I still don't get it now years later. If I had never chosen between the two nothing would have changed, Kagome would have stayed in Japan, Kikyou would have never grown to hate me…I would never have grown to hate myself… But I'm getting way too far ahead of the story…all of that shit didn't happen until later…

So I thought if I just ignored everything Miroku said everything would be fine. So what if Kikyou and Kagome seemed too uncomfortable around each other now. It was just PMS or some other stupid female thing, right? And it meant nothing when Kagome and Kikyou started to argue, fight, and compete over everything in their lives. So I was a little weirded out when I caught them staring at each other while brushing their teeth to see who would give in and spit first. That wasn't abnormal, was it? I mean both girls looked so much alike that they could be twins, so friendly competition was healthy, right? I thought everything would settle down once Kagome quit archery. I reasoned that all of the recent tension between the two girls was because the coach always pitted the girls against each other in practice.

Have I ever admitted out loud just how stupid I am?

The tension didn't go away, but I got better at ignoring it. I tried my best to treat them just like I had always treated them…like best friends, little sisters…but Miroku's words were messing with my head. I started to wonder what it would be like to date one of them…

I'm not sure how it happened…it's not like I made of conscious decision to choose between either of them…but Kikyou and I became an item. We both decided not to tell Kagome until after graduation. I foolishly though she would be happy for us. I guess Miroku was right when he said if I didn't choose I would lose both of them. He just left out the fact that I would lose the one I didn't choose.

And so my life suddenly lost some of its brightness. Kagome left me. But I have to give it to her, that girl never does anything half way, she didn't just leave me, she left the country.

I didn't find out until almost three days after the senior dance that she was even gone. And it wasn't until a month later at Miroku and Sango's wedding that I found out that she was in America.

I tried to call her once, but this guy picked up and I just didn't have the courage to say anything. I mean, if she had moved on who was I to stir up bad memories?

As for Kikyou and I, we graduated and went on to college, but the absence of Kagome left a hole in our relationship. Maybe it was our guilt over how we treated her, maybe it was…I don't know…again it's too deep for me to comprehend.

So Kikyou and I hit the rocks, we argued and spent much of our time not talking to each other. Of course we never let Miroku and Sango know about our troubles, probably because of our pride, but most likely because neither of us wanted Kagome to find out.

Two years went by in this miserable manner, and although I hadn't heard a word from her in all that time I still felt my heart speed up every time the phone rang, hoping it was Kagome. I think Kikyou could tell, but she never said anything about it. In fact, she never said anything to me at all. It looked like Miroku was wrong after all, even though I chose one I still lost both.

Then the accident happened. I was driving, not paying attention to the road because I was trying to get Kikyou to fight with me. Those drinks I'd had before leaving home couldn't have helped much, either. She was just staring forward, like I wasn't even there. I wasn't looking at the road of course, so I didn't see the truck when it veered into our lane.

But Kikyou did. She saw it and didn't say a word. She didn't even blink, and the only scream I heard as the sound of metal crashing into metal tore through the air was my own…

When I woke up Kagome was there, and it was just like she had never left. I recovered all right, with only a slight limp that no one noticed unless I was really tired. But Kikyou didn't wake up, and deep inside I felt that it was my fault that she was in this state.

Kagome moved in with me after I came home from the hospital so that someone would be there if I needed them…

And for five years she didn't leave. I convinced her to transfer her college hours over and to go back to school with me. We graduated and started our careers. I think for a time we were both happy. I can remember the exact moment our relationship changed from being friends to being lovers. We had just come home from visiting Sango and Miroku and their new son, Kagome was trying to find some ice cream in the freezer and I was watching sports in the living room. It was a normal night in our household. Kagome came in and snuggled into the couch beside me. I looked over and saw that she had gotten some ice cream on the edge of her mouth, without thinking I leaned in and kissed it away. Maybe it was all the time we had spent with our married friends, or maybe I was afraid that I would lose her again…but after that night nothing was the same.

We were content, I visited Kikyou ever day at the hospital after work, then I would come home and let Kagome's calming presence take away my guilt. Everything was fine until she suggested that we get married. She wanted children and a house and all the things that meant a life-long contentment. She said that we could afford it now. I felt like I was cornered. I loved Kagome, but I still had regrets about Kikyou. What if once we married our relationship went to hell like before with Kikyou? What if she started to hate me? So I made all the excuses in the world that I could think to make, trying to convince her that I loved her, and that we didn't need a piece of paper to prove that to the world. But I could feel her slipping away from me slowly even as we made up. That night I did the only thing I could think of to prove to her that I loved her and would forever. And then I dreamed that Kikyou told me it was time to move on and forget about her.

So here I am, sitting outside of the hospital that has been Kikyou's home for the last few years. I'm here to finally say good-bye and to move on with my life. I've spent too much time regretting the past. I just hope that it's not too late for me to fix this with Kagome…


	3. Chapter 1: Withering Rose Petals

_I still don't own Inuyasha. Ignore any errors in spelling or grammar as I don't really have a beta for this story yet. Also thanks goes to all the people who encouraged me to write this story._

_Chapter 1: Withering Rose Petals._

* * *

_But that ticket to heaven said to lie in the bed that you make_

* * *

The sun gleamed a weak, diluted, white-yellow off the many panes of glass that made up the front of the large hospital. In the distance the sounds of sirens could be heard, the ever present reminder that tragedy and fate respect no man. A lone man sat on a stone bench in the courtyard in front of the sprawling hospital clutching half wilted flowers in one hand while the other remained limp at his side. All around him people were moving, going about their daily lives, working, visiting sick friends, laughing over miracles, crying over losses. Everyone was doing something while he alone sat stationary. Everyone around him was living while he seemed trapped in static going neither backwards or forwards.

"_But if we love each other why can't we prove it and commit?"_

Yes, why couldn't they? Why couldn't he seem to move on?

"_Inuyasha, I'm 24 years old! I want a house and I want a baby…but more than all that I want a husband! I want you…can't you see that?"_

Yes, yes he could see that. He just…didn't want anything to change. Change was bad. Change meant that he might end up losing her again in the long run. He couldn't bare that.

"_Don't you love me?"_

Did he? Yes, with all his heart he loved her. He loved her more than he'd ever loved another person…even more than…Kikyou. And that made him feel guilty.

"_I don't understand why your so against this, but I don't want to fight anymore…just please think about it for me…for us?"_

He was losing her. He could feel her slipping away from him like so many grains of sand through his fingers.

He was losing her because of the guilt that ate away at his soul. Because he felt that he didn't deserve the kind of happiness that she represented. But damn it all to hell! He **loved her.**

It wasn't supposed to be like this….

"Mr. Kunikada? Is something wrong? Why haven't you been to see Miss. Kikyou yet?" The voice of one of the nurses that cared for Kikyou regularly broke him out of his thoughts. The man shook his head, as if to clear it. Absently he told her that he would be up in a minute. He didn't pay any mind to her telling him that visiting hours would be over soon. He knew that. That's what he was waiting for.

'_If I'm going to say good bye for the last time I'd like it to be right before closing time.'_ He almost laughed at his own melodramatic thoughts. Normally it was Kagome's job to be the one to always make things harder than they had to be. This brought him back to the reason he was here so late in the day anyway.

The dream he'd had last night was so real he'd almost confused it with reality upon waking up this morning. But no, it was only a dream….

Still he'd taken its message to heart. Kikyou had come to him; looking like she had when they were all 17 and happy. She'd smiled and laughed like she didn't have a care in the world.

She said that she forgave him.

She said she wanted him to move on.

She told him he'd lose Kagome if he didn't move on.

So Inuyasha was here to do just that. He was determined that this was his last visit out of guilt. His last bouquet of flowers. After this he was going to move on and try to save what he had with Kagome. He was going to be happy again.

If only he could find the courage to get up and walk through those great glass hospital doors…

All around him people were moving, living and dying and giving birth. He'd been caught in this in between place for five years while everyone else went on with their lives.

Then it happened.

He sat up from his slumped over position and rolled his shoulders back.

He got up.

And moved forward.

* * *

It was well after dark when he arrived home. He was tired, but his heart felt strangely lighter now. With deft hands he unlocked the door while juggling the flowers and wine he'd bought for Kagome. He wanted to surprise her, wanted her to know that he thought she was special. But he was surprised himself, and a little worried when he was greeted not by his smiling girlfriend, but by a dark house.

Setting down his packages with care, Inuyasha hurried through the house searching for her but she was no were to be found. A knot formed in his gut as he made his way back to the kitchen. That's when he spotted the piece of white paper sitting ever-so-innocently on the floor in front of the coffee pot. He reached down and scooped it up. Without bothering to turn on the light he read the short note written in her familiar loopy scrawl.

_Inuyasha, _

_Sorry I left before you woke up this morning. Something came up suddenly with Mrs. Kinkade's design plan. I'll probably have to work late too. Why don't you go over to Miroku and Sango's to eat dinner? Or if you're too tired you can heat up some of the ramen I bought for you yesterday. And yes before you ask I got only chicken flavored. Gosh, haven't you ever heard that Varity is the spice of life? _

_Anyway, don't wait up, k? I love you and I'll see you in the morning,_

_Kagome_

He reread the note a few times, but couldn't detect that anything was wrong. Kagome seemed to be in good spirits, even teasing him about his obsession with chicken flavored ramen. But Inuyasha just couldn't seem to shake the feeling that something was _wrong_. Maybe it was the lingering tension from the night before, or his nervousness over what he had to say to Kagome when she got home, he didn't know.

Absently growling to himself about a certain workaholic female in his life, he sat about preparing for her when she came home. At least this delay would make it possible for him to really make tonight special….

* * *

Two hours later, Inuyasha had to stop himself from ripping the clock off the wall and throwing it violently out the window. But he didn't, because even though it was the ugliest clock he'd ever seen,( and the fact that it kept on reminding him that Kagome still wasn't home didn't help it's cause any) it had been a Christmas gift from Kagome's mother last year and for that reason alone Kagome loved it. And he'd liked it okay too, until now.

"Where is she?" He asked himself as he paced back and forth. He was past being irritated at her tardiness. Now he was just worried. The last train ran 10 minutes ago. It was only a five minute ride by taxi to their apartment. She should have been here by now. Inuyasha was plagued by thoughts of Kagome lying in a ditch somewhere, cold and hurt. Or what if there had been some kind of auto accident? He felt a shiver run up his spin and his heart quickened. What if she needed him? While he just sat here playing with flower petals of all things?

He got up and almost ran into the kitchen to get his cell phone. From memory he dialed Kagome's office number. When nobody picked up after two rings and her voice mail picked up after seven, he cursed and slammed the phone shut. After thinking for a moment he opened in back up and punched out her secretary's number. He didn't give a flying fuck as this point it the woman was awake or asleep. He wanted to know where his Kagome was and he wanted to know now.

"Hello?' A sleepy voice answered after about five rings. Inuyasha had been about to hang up in disgust again, but he caught himself in time.

"When did Kagome head for home?" In his desperation and impatiens he forgot to introduce himself.

"Who are you?" The woman's voice was still sleepy, but now it held a wary sound.

"I'm her boyfriend, Inuyasha. Look, she hasn't come home yet, can you please tell me when she left work." In the silence that stretched over the line he could hear a man whisper, 'Eri, who's calling us this late, is everything okay?' When Inuyasha didn't hear the woman reply he reasoned absently that she must have pulled the phone away from her mouth and covered it with her hand before answering. He growled impatiently, this was wasting his time.

"Um…Inuyasha, I don't know what to tell you, but Kagome never came into work this morning. She called in sick."

Her words hit Inuyasha like a blast of cold artic air. He hung up the call without saying good-bye and just stood there for a moment in numbed shock. The note she'd left said she was going to work early, but she'd never gone. She'd called in sick.

She'd lied to him.

'_No, I refuse to accept that. Something must have happened! And because I was at that damn hospital so long today no one could get a hold of me. I knew I shouldn't have turned off my phone like that. Kagome's probably sick right now and I'm not there! Kami-sama how stupid can I be?'_

Inuyasha grabbed his phone up again and hasten shoved on his shoes. He didn't even bother with a jacket as he ran out into the night, already dialing Miroku's number. And as the door slammed shut behind him one of the wine goblets that was sat out on the table in the kitchen fell over onto the floor getting blue colored glass and red wine every where. And from somewhere in the apartment an ugly clock struck mid-night and rose petals, scattered with such good intent, started to wither up and turn brown.


	4. Chapter 2: It Can Always Hurt Worse

_**Disclaimer: **I still don't own Inuyasha. Also, thanks goes to all the people who encouraged me to write this story._

Chapter Two: It Can Always Hurt Worse.

* * *

_We've thrown all our hopes away and set our dreams aside._

* * *

It was the time of night when only the outcasts of society moved about the city. Hookers, their pimps not far off, lined the alleyways and peddled their wares in garish colored costumes. Inuyasha paid them all no mind as he hurried toward Miroku's house, keeping a careful eye out for Kagome, just in case she was out here lost and alone. His thoughts were a swirling mass of confusion as he tried to figure out why Kagome would lie to him about her whereabouts. Her disappearing act in high school kept flashing up in his mind. What if she did something like that again? But surely she knew that he loved her, that he couldn't live without her…

That he would never let her leave him again without a fight.

He didn't even notice as he crossed back into the good side of town, so lost was he in his own thoughts. The cold wind blew hard, mocking him for leaving the warmth of his apartment without a coat. Inuyasha roused himself from his thoughts long enough to spot the small yellow house that was his destination up ahead. He quickened his pace, suddenly feeling the effects of the stiff wind.

He knocked softly on the house's bright kelly green door, and while he waited for Miroku to answer he absently contemplated the color. He had always thought it was a little too happy, but Kagome had loved the color. She'd wanted to paint the walls of the apartment that color, but much to Inuyasha's relief, the building super would not allow it. He remembered her wishfully talking about the house they would have someday, where she could repaint anytime she wanted. Now that might never happen…

Why did everything have to remind him that she was missing?

Miroku answered the door, and Inuyasha could tell that he hadn't been awake for long. Dark shadows hung under his eyes, and his normally neat hair was tussled. He looked at Inuyasha for a moment, as if to judge the validity of his visit. Inuyasha didn't really blame him. After all, the only thing he had said when his friend picked up the phone thirty minutes ago was that he needed to talk. Miroku must have seen some of his desperation in his eyes because he opened the door wide enough for Inuyasha to pass through.

"Sango's making coffee," he said by way of a greeting. Inuyasha just silently made his way toward their small kitchen. Sango was indeed going through the motions of making coffee, but unlike Miroku who looked like he'd been asleep for a while before Inuyasha's call, she looked tired and haggard. It seemed like she hadn't slept at all that night, but had been up pacing the floor. He wondered if maybe she knew something about Kagome's whereabouts. If memory served him right, she and Miroku had been the only ones to know where Kagome went six years ago, the first time she had left.

"What's so important that you have to get me up at one a.m.?" Miroku asked from the doorway. Inuyasha was a little surprised that the man wanted to cut to the chase so quickly, normally Miroku liked to draw these things out, but he guessed that anyone would be abrupt when awoken so rudely.

"I…I…" He hadn't expected the words to catch in his throat, but they did. Inuyasha took a deep breath and tried to start over, "I…Kagome…well…she never came home. I can't find her…and she never went to work this morning…even though her note said she was going. She called in sick…she lied to me…or maybe something bad happened…I… Have you seen her?" He managed to choke out the words while fighting his sense of panic down. She was gone. What if he couldn't find her?

Sango abruptly slammed down her cup of coffee and turned her back on him. He could tell that her shoulders were shaking under her thin robe, but he was clueless to the cause.

"Koshii?" Miroku left his position by the doorway and went to stand by his wife. When he'd come home from work today he'd known something was bothering her, but with Sango, a person never pushed her into talking before she was ready. So he had just left her alone, and now he wondered at the wisdom of that decision.

"Sango, do you know where she is?" Miroku could hear the barely discernable sounds of rage and betray begin to filter into his childhood friend's voice. He knew this conversation was heading into a direction that they would all probably regret later, but he was powerless to stop the chaos he knew was coming.

"Yes." That one word, said so quietly, was the word that set the impending doom Miroku was feeling into motion. Inuyasha's face went rigid, mouth going into a thin line that could be barely seen, eye's narrowing into slits, and even his ears went completely still focused totally on the woman whose back was to him.

'_Not a good move Sango.' _Miroku thought, as he moved to stand between his wife and their angry hanyou friend, but he was too slow. Inuyasha reached out with lightening speed and grabbed Sango's shoulders. He wrenched her around to face him, shoving her body up against the bar, not hard enough to hurt her, but with enough force to let her know she wasn't going anywhere until he got the information he wanted. Miroku stood to the side in a frozen, tense, stance. He didn't know weather to intervene or to let Inuyasha get his answers. He finally settled on just being ready to step in if the situation got out of hand. He knew Sango could take care of herself, and he highly doubted Inuyasha would hurt her. Or at least Miroku hoped he wouldn't.

"Where the fuck is she! Dammit_, tell me where she is!_" Inuyasha was careful to not touch Sango after he had pushed her into the bar, even though he wanted desperately to shake the answers right out of her head. He could smell the pup she was carrying and he wasn't so far gone into his panic that he would do something to hurt her child. For a moment he thought Sango would answer him, but his hope was quickly dashed.

"You bastard!" Before Inuyasha knew what was happening she pulled back her fisted hand and punched him in the cheek. The strength of the blow, and the fact he hadn't been expecting it, sent him tumbling down to the floor on his butt. Miroku cringed, but couldn't help but feel proud of his wife. She just managed to knock an enraged half-demon down! Wait…maybe that wasn't a good thing…

"You have **_no right_** to come in here and **_demand_** to know where she is! Not when you're the reason that she **_left!_**" Sango was seething with anger, but now Inuyasha was, also. How _dare_ the little human bitch tell him this was his entire fault! Kagome was the one who ran away again!

"I have _every right in the **world** to demand the location of my **mate**_!" His voice was low and more growl than human tone. Sango took a step back and let out a breath in shock.

"Your mate?"

"YES!" he roared, "And someone had better fucking start to tell me where she is before I START LOOKING ON MY OWN!"

"Your _mate? _Did Kagome know you'd claimed her as such?" Miroku felt his own anger begin to rise. If Inuyasha had claimed Kagome without her knowing…

"No. I was fucking going to tell her tonight, but she's no where to be found." His voice was as close to a pout as it could get when he was still growling deep in his chest.

"You claimed her without asking first?" Sango swore, "I thought you were a fucking bastard before Inuyasha, but this is the worst thing you've ever done! This is the closest thing to rape one can get with out actually doing it! You took away her _free will._"

"She said she loved me! She said she wanted to get married. That's permission enough." Inuyasha was desperate to prove that his actions hadn't been as bad as they seemed. Unbidden, memories of the night before flashed before his minds eye.

_flashback_

_Two bodies withered together in a tangle of sheets and legs and arms. Moans and screams of pleasure echoed off the walls as somewhere in the house a clock struck midnight._

_She was begging him for more, silently asking to be made to forget about their fight earlier. _

_He complied, pounding into her harder, wanting to take her places she'd never been before…_

_Wanting to make her his forever._

_He could feel her slipping away from him even as she screamed out his name in ecstasy. His instincts clawed at his insides, demanding that he do something to concrete their relationship even though he'd been hesitant to do so earlier._

"_Do you love me?" He managed to gasp out. He held himself still above her, refusing to continue their love making until she answered._

"_Oh, Kami-sama, yes." Her answer came in huffs as she continued to wither under him, frustrated that he'd stopped._

_That was all the answer he needed._

_end flashback_

"NO! Not when you _refused_ to marry her on the grounds that _Kikyou might wake up_ after five years as a vegetable!" Her voice brought him back from the moment he'd been reliving. Sango was still ranting in the back ground, but he was only half listening.

'_Kagome said she loved me. Why, why did she leave again? Kami-sama, I can't take much more of this.'_

"**_Are you even listing to me? _**You _took_ something _special_ from her! She'll never be able to forget you now and move on! Kagome can never love another person because of you!" Her angry tone was beginning to sound more like the beginning of tears than full rage. Inuyasha went still at what she was implying. Kagome love someone else? The very thought sent him back to growling.

"She'd better not even _think_ about falling in love with someone else." Inuyasha's voice was now quiet and deadly. His eyes had a hint of red in them and Miroku decided that now was a good time to step in.

"I'm sure that won't happen, Inuyasha. Calm down." He reached out to put a hand on his friend's shoulder, but the hanyou jerked away from his touch. His eyes were still focused on Sango, who wasn't finished speaking about the matter either.

"You're such a hypocrite, Inuyasha. You've loved someone else for years, right in front of Kagome, but now, right when she's finally woke up and saw what an idiot you are, you take away her only chance at happiness." Her voice was a broken whisper and Inuyasha slowly felt all the anger drain from his veins. Is that what Kagome thought? That he still loved Kikyou?

"Mommy? Daddy? I heard mean voices, has Aunty Kago come back home?" The tiny voice of the four year old Rei made all the adults start guiltily. They hadn't meant to wake up the child with their 'mean' voices. Sango went to gather her son up into her arms and reassure him that it was only 'Uncle Inu being a complete and total jerk.' She looked up at her husband and a silent conversation passed between their eyes. Miroku sighed and reached out to touch Inuyasha's shoulder. This time he didn't jerk away.

"Come on, I'll drive you home buddy. At least you can get a few hours of sleep before you have to go in to work."

Inuyasha didn't have the strength left to protest.

* * *

_Dear Inuyasha,_

_If you're reading this then you know by now that I'm gone. Don't look for me. (Kami-sama, that sounds so cliché. Does every runaway lover always start their letters out like that?)_

_What I mean to say is that by the time you find this, if you ever do, I'll be long gone. Hopefully, I'll be all settled into my new life, and there will be no reason for you to worry about me._

_After all the years we've been together you'd think that we'd somehow get this thing right, ne? But I guess some things just weren't meant to be. You love her, I love you, and she might as well be dead. Welcome to the Soap Opera of our lives. I hoped for a long time that you'd finally get over her and that you'd finally see me for me and not just her replacement, but I realized last night that nothing would ever change._

_You called out her name in your sleep just after you'd finished screwing me._

_That woke me up. I remembered why I left seven years ago, why I swore I'd never come back again, why I have to leave now while I can still look myself in the mirror everyday and not feel disgust over what I've become. I refuse to be a replacement fuck Inuyasha. I refuse to be **her** in your head every time you touch **me**._

_I need a life without you in it. I almost had that once, you know. I was going to take that all important step with my boyfriend the night Sango called to tell me you might not live through the night. He loved me, and for you I broke his heart. _

_Now I know what a bitch karma is. Now I know what it's like…again. Because some how I forgot over the years what it feels like for the person you love to trample your heart cause they love another person more._

_But just so you know, I don't blame you for high school. Kikyou was the goddess between the two of us. Always graceful and gentle, while I was awkward and clumsy. I would have picked her too, if I had to choose. So I forgive you for doing that…_

_I think I can even forgive you for now… I mean, I can understand never giving up hope that one day the one you love will wake up and realize you've been waiting for them the whole time they've been gone. Ironically, that's how I've always felt about you. But I'm tired now Inuyasha. I don't have the emotional strength to live with all this anymore._

_So I'm leaving. Don't bother looking for me, not that I'm assuming that you will. Maybe one day it won't hurt as bad as it does now and I'll be able to see you again…._

_At least this time I left a note._

_Kagome _

The paper crackled loudly in the silent bedroom as Inuyasha crushed in his trembling hand. He found it when he collapsed into bed and reflexively reached out to at least cuddle her pillow since it was the next best thing to cuddling her.

"I never knew you felt like this Kagome. Kami-sama knows it I did I'd have let you know just how wrong you were. Why couldn't you just talk to me? Why didn't you trust me to love you?" He asked questions aloud to which he already knew the answers. For the first time since he found out that she was truly gone, Inuyasha realized the emptiness his life had without her in it.

With a curse, he started to throw the letter as far away as he could, and then had second thoughts. With a gentle hand, so as not to tear the purple stationery's fragile edges, he smoothed it back out over his knee. On second glance, he could tell just how distressed she had been while writing the letter by the way her scrawl ran unevenly down the page. Inuyasha held it close to his nose and sniffed. It smelled like Kagome…and tears.

**TBC**

**AN.**

That was my first semi-lemon…sex scene thingy…

Eh…not bad…

I guess now you know why it's rated R.

That and the language here is much worse than in my other story…or at least I think it is…

For those you who have read my other story and see a link between the mating thing, please note that in this story the process is quite different. But it was thinking about the other story that brought this idea about. Just like in TWTHE Kagome has no choice in the matter of becoming connected to Inuyasha, but unlike TWTHE Inuyasha's own stupidity creates the problem here.

So I guess you can say that this was Inuyasha's revelation chapter. He no longer has the wool over his eyes. He knows what a big fuck up he is…

Now if only we could bring Kagome around…

In the next chapter Inuyasha follows her false trail and goes to LA….


	5. Chapter 3: I Looked High and Low

_**Disclaimer:** I still don't own Inuyasha. Also, thanks goes to all the people who encouraged me to write this story._

_**AN:** for the purposes of this story, Myoga is a bit bigger than normal…say at least as big as Shippou…yeah…that sounds about right._

Chapter Three: I looked High and Low

_

* * *

_

_why didn't I know what I know now_

* * *

The sunlight gleamed off of the glass walls that made up the high-rise buildings, making the business district of Tokyo look more like molten towers of silver instead of the dull offices that they were in reality. Inuyasha sat in one of those glass-enclosed offices, staring out at the tiny people scurrying about below. He absently wondered if any one of those insignificant people down there had a life as fucked up as his. Nothing in his life made sense anymore. The very person that kept his world stable, secure, worth living…was gone, maybe forever. For an instant, it all caught up to him and he felt like his very soul was being spun apart in a maelstrom of unnamed emotions. He was almost consumed by his confusion… Then he shook his head and the feeling passed. Inuyasha leaned back in his leather desk chair and rubbed his eyes roughly.

Now was not the time to let his emotions run out of control. Right now he was supposed to be reviewing a proposal for…something…he wasn't quite sure what though. Sesshomaru wouldn't be happy if he didn't get it done today; his older brother had been patient with his lack of progress during the last few days, but even the stoic Sesshomaru had his limits. Inuyasha understood that, really he did, but he didn't give a damn. Let Sesshomaru lose a mate not twenty-four hours after the bond was made and then try to focus on a bloody merger proposal. Inuyasha finally gave up on working and pushed away from his messy desk. He walked over to the wall length window and just stared out at the sky, ignoring the swarms of people living out their lives below him. His head lightly thudded against the glass as his eyes misted over. Kami-sama, he had to get a hold of himself… All the tears in the world wouldn't bring her back if he couldn't find her. He should know, he shed plenty of tears during the last five hellish days.

Kagome had been gone for five days. He still couldn't quite grasp it.

For the first couple of days Inuyasha had looked for her himself. He called every bus station and airport. When no one seemed inclined to help him, he visited them himself, but that course of action only got him kicked out of all the transportation outlets in the city. On the fourth morning when Miroku had finally bailed him out of jail, where he spent the night for "threatening to do violence" to the manager of the city bus station, Inuyasha had broken down and called up a private investigator his father used when looking into a potential merger.

Now all he had to do was wait for Myoga to call.

But waiting was hard for Inuyasha. Added to his natural impatience was the fact that as an inu-hanyou, his instincts told him that he _needed_ his mate by his side. It was like a physical pain, only deeper, as if his very soul was being ripped in two. He looked as if he was in pain, too. Dark shadows marred both his eyes in uneven half circles. Inuyasha normally kept his hair neatly clasped at the base of his scull with a black ribbon, but today it hung around his face in dank strands. He pushed it out of his vision for what had to be the hundredth time that day, and wondered suddenly just how long it had been since he washed it. That thought made him sigh again and his head bump against the window once more.

Kagome loved to comb his hair when in was freshly clean. Kagome was gone now. There would be no one around to gently remove the tangles for him.

A loud buzzing sound filled the air and woke Inuyasha up from his thoughts. He turned back toward the room and growled at the intercom sitting on the corner of his desk before punching the button that would allow his secretary to hear him.

"What do you want?" He snapped.

"A man is here to see you. He says his name is Myoga." The secretary's voice had an irritating lack of emotion that set Inuyasha's nerves on end, but she was a good worker and Sesshomaru wouldn't be happy if Inuyasha ran off yet another employee this month.

"Send him in, Kanna."

"Would you like me to bring coffee?"

"No, I don't want _anything_ to disturb us. It's your job on the line if so much as a spider crawls under the door, do you understand me?" Not even the threat of losing her job fazed the secretary. But that might have been because Inuyasha said something like this every day.

"Yes, Kunikada-sama"

* * *

"What have you found out?" Inuyasha demanded as soon as Myoga hopped in through the door. The flea demon took his time sitting down before answering his boss.

"Well, Inuyasha-sama, I found out two things, some good news and some bad news, I suppose you could say." He folded all four of his arms across his chest in an air of self-importance. Inuyasha's ears twitched in agitation as the silence in the room stretched out longer than two seconds.

"You'd better fucking tell me something soon, or I'll throw you out the damn window!" Inuyasha wasn't about play the P.I.'s game.

"Patience, Inuyasha-sama, all in due time. Do you think your little secretary could bring me some tea?" Inuyasha growled deep in his chest and reached for the lapels on Myoga's suit. He held him up out of his chair and cocked an eyebrow toward the window. Myoga got the message. "I don't really have to have that cup of tea right now," he laughed nervously.

"I didn't think so." Myoga started to stutter out his news as Inuyasha none too gently dropped him back into the cushion.

"Y..y..yes, well, as I was saying I've tracked Kagome-sama to the North Tokyo Airport where she got on a plane to L.A---"

"THE BITCH LEFT THE COUNTRY **_AGAIN_**! I should have _known._" Inuyasha jerked his jacket up from the back of the chair and almost ran toward the door of his office with angry strides. He couldn't believe that she would go to such lengths to get away from him. Something inside of him felt betrayed and hurt. Going back to her family like that meant she didn't even want to give him a chance to make things right.

'_I'll have to show her, I'll have to show her that what we have is worth it! That she just can't leave me and think I'd not come after her! She's mine damn it! I made her mine!'_

"But Inuyasha-sama! I haven't told you everything yet! You can't leave now!"

"I'm tired of your games old man! I have to go get my mate! Kanna, book me a flight to LA. I don't care if I have to use the company jet, just make sure that it leaves within an hour. Oh, and make sure Sesshomaru gets a memo about this so his shorts don't get in a knot, and have all my work transferred over to that new junior associate, what's her name again?"

"Rin."

"But Inuyasha-sama! You don't understand—" The P.I was struggling to get out to the chair, his haste making him clumsy.

"Tell her that if she screws up anything I'll make sure Sesshomaru finds out it was her fault, and make sure the old man in there gets paid and escorted out of my office."

"Yes, Kunikada-sama."

"No, you must listen to what I have to tell you!" Myoga tried in vain to catch Inuyasha before the elevator doors shut but he was too late. Kanna watched dispassionately as the little man slumped against the gold tone door and beat against it with his fist.

"You don't understand Inuyasha-sama! Kagome-sama never made it to L.A! She got off the plane!" he wailed.

Kanna continued to punch in the number for the company pilot, but at Myoga's words a small smile crossed her face. It served her boss right to be sent on this wild goose chase for all the times he threatened fire her.

"Yes, Kagara? Kunikada Inuyasha will be leaving in an hour for LA. He requests the use of one of the private jets."

* * *

Inuyasha swore as he wrenched the door of his apartment open with a forceful yank. He went tripping through the house, trying to fight his way over the clutter that had accumulated in the last five days to get to the bedroom he used to share with Kagome. Once he made it to the darkened room, he purposefully ignored the dried up rose petals that still littered the floor.

Inuyasha jerked a small suitcase and carry-on bag out of the closet and tossed them to the floor. He then went about tearing open dresser drawers in a vain attempt to hurry up and find his clothes. Kagome always put up his clothes away for him when they were clean because she didn't like the way he crammed everything into one drawer. Kagome also packed his bags whenever he traveled because she was always afraid he would only pack one pair of underwear.

'_Controlling bitch…'_ She might have been that, but oh, how he missed her.

Pulling open a drawer that protested loudly, he found not clothes, but picture albums. Without pausing, he shoved the three top most albums into his carry-on case and reached for another drawer. If he hurried, he just might have time for a quick shower before heading to the airport.

* * *

Sango was tired, more tired than she had ever been while pregnant with Rei. She sat down heavily on her couch and rested her forehead in her palms. Her cousin and best friend in the world was gone again.

'_Only this time I don't know where she is, Kami-sama. I don't know if she made it there safe. I couldn't stand to see her with that hurt look on her face a week ago. I was determined to keep her safe like I should have last time. But now that she's gone and I see how frantic Inuyasha is I can't help but wonder if I made a mistake by just letting her go like that.'_

Sango felt so torn. Inuyasha had been her friend for a long time, since junior high, but Kagome was family and the closest thing to a sister she'd ever have. If Kagome called, would she tell Inuyasha where to find his lost mate?

Mate.

Sango cringed at that thought. Inuyasha had surely hurt Kagome more by keeping that secret than her leaving had hurt him.

He made his bed, now it was time for him to sleep in it.

Not that he could sleep. Sango knew a little about youkai bonding from health class. Ideally, a newly mated couple should spend as much time together as possible to ensure that their bound grew strong. If not given this time, the side effects could be painful not just for the newly linked couple, but for those around them as well.

The ringing phone interrupted Sango's thought pattern and she hurried to answer it before its obnoxious sound could wake Rei.

"Moshi moshi!" She greeted as she picked up the handset.

"Sango? It's Kagome." Sango had to sit down before her legs gave out in her relief to here the other woman's voice.

* * *

Inuyasha sat looking out the window as the company jet he flew in took him closer to his destination. He was restless, almost feeling as if he was getting **farther** away from Kagome instead of **nearer**.

'_How am I going to convince her to come back? I can't just throw her over my shoulder and drag her back. Fucking hell, when did this all get so damn complicated?'_ He pushed himself away from the window with a scrawl. He would **not **think about it now. He was determined to get some sleep so that when he found Kagome she wouldn't know just how lost he'd been without her.

"Ah, fuck, why hide it? Maybe if she see just how damn lost I am without her she'll come back."

"Did you say something, Kunikada-sama?" Yura, the lone attendant for the flight asked. Inuyasha didn't even spare her a glance, just absently waved her away. Yura frowned but didn't push the obviously agitated hanyou anymore. After all, if Inuyasha wasn't inclined to ask for things then she could spend more time on the internet looking for a new wig to add to her collection.

There was some turbulence about the time Inuyasha sat up in his seat. His carry-on bag fell out of the over head compartment and landed on his head.

"Bloody fucking hell! What kind of heavy shit did I pack in this damn thing?" He rubbed the knot that was beginning to form on his skull and looked around to see if Yura could bring him an ice pack. She was nowhere to be seen.

"Figures," he mumbled and continued to rub his head. With his free hand he reached into the bag to find out what ever had caused his so much pain and pulled out the photo albums he'd shoved inside earlier.

"I forgot I put these in here." He forgot about the bump on his head the moment he opened the first book. A picture of Kagome around the time he first met her stared up at him. Inuyasha smirked at the image of the almost chubby cheeked girl with the twinkle in her blue eyes that his Kagome had been. She was pretty then, but she was beautiful now.

The next picture was one of all of them together, but it must have been taken while Kagome and he still hated each other because they were glaring at each other in the back ground. The next was a candid shot of him catching her before she fell down a flight of steps. Inuyasha marveled at the expression on his own face. He looked concerned but it was more than that…deeper. For the first time he wondered if he'd been in love with her even then. A handwritten caption beside the picture caught his eye.

My hero

That's all it said, but it was enough to make Inuyasha turn the page quickly. He didn't want to know…didn't want to think about what her feelings had been all those years ago. But the next pages were no better. With each passing page came a new insight into Kagome's world, and Inuyasha began to realize that these books weren't just picture albums, but that they were a kind of journal. Like diaries with photographs.

He felt tears prick his eyes when he found a picture obviously taken right after she left the first time. The caption beside it read

I'm alone again.

Then the glossy pages began to be filled with pictures of her family and classmates from college, and Inuyasha could feel that she was beginning to be happy again. It bothered him when he realized that she had been well on her way to forgetting all about him before Sango called her back to Japan. He had to switch books to continue exploring her life and he found that again the pages of her journal were filled with pictures of the both of them, along with Sango, Miroku and Rei.

He saw pictures of trips they'd taken, pictures of their college graduation, and a few pictures she apparently snuck while he was sleeping. Inuyasha was reminded all over again just why he loved Kagome so much. She was always smiling, always warm and happy and…he didn't have the words to continue on with everything his Kagome was to him.

Inuyasha finally got to the last page of the last book and he felt as if a giant fist was crushing his heart in its grip. There was only one picture placed in the middle of the page. It had been taken at their friends' house while they were all gathered to celebrate Rei's fifth birthday. It was a candid shot of Kagome looking over at Inuyasha with eyes filled with a strange mixture of love and sorrow, while he gazed at a picture of Kikyou on the mantle with what looked like obvious longing. The caption for this last picture made him close his eyes in pain.

The story of my life, I love him, he loves her

"This is your captain speaking. We are beginning our descent over L.A. Please sit down and buckle up."

Inuyasha didn't know what he was going to say to her once he found her, but he was going to make Kagome understand that he loved her, and only her, even if it took him forever to prove it.

**TBC**

**AN:** Erg…Inuyasha was such a wimp in this chapter…but it was needed. After this chapter he'd not going to be so noodle-y like. After this he'd going to quit feeling sorry for himself and the things he can't change and…well if I said anymore it would give it away. Lets just say that last chapter he realized what a big screw up he was, this chapter he deals with his mistakes, and in the next chapter he's going to accept them and move on to finding Kagome.

We get to see how Kagome's been doing in the next chapter too, so don't miss the answer to all those questions as to why she can't have a love life now that Inuyasha's claimed her.

In other notes, I'd like to explain why Inuyasha marked her after he'd argued that they shouldn't get married. It's one of those heart over head things. In his head he was afraid of making that kind of commitment, but in his heart he was afraid to loose her. As an inu-hanyou Inuyasha's heart is closely tied to his instincts, so there you have it.

And my inspiration for Kagome running away like she does comes from the show. Every time she has a fight with Inuyasha, or gets stressed she heads for the well. It just seems like she'd be the type to still run away even if there wasn't a well…Just thought you'd all like to know that.


	6. Chapter 4: I'm a Broken Toy

_Disclaimer: I still don't own Inuyasha. Ignore any errors in spelling or grammar as I don't really have a beta for this story yet. Also thanks goes to all the people who encouraged me to write this story._

_AN: This chapter starts out with Kagome, so we can see how she's doing away from Inuyasha…_

Chapter 4: I'm a Broken Toy

* * *

_**Lover's in love and the other's run away**_

* * *

****

The music inside the club pulsed. It moved and flowed around the dancing throng like blood through the veins of excited teenagers. The lights, brilliant and strange, reflected in the eyes of the young patrons the establishment catered to, turning them from mere moving mounds of flesh and bone into something more. Something almost animalistic. Something almost primal. It was like the devolution of the human race right before her eyes. And Kagome watched it all with bored interest from an almost invisible table in the dark recess of the back wall. She nursed an almost full drink, and wondered, not for the first time, why she was here.

She used to like to dance. To be free enough to move her body to a steady beat. To forget about everything but the motion of the other person next to her…

Inuyasha had taken her dancing a lot, when his office hours allowed, even though he wasn't too fond of going to clubs. He said it was all the loud noise, but Kagome suspected that he just didn't like the looks men gave her when they went out. He couldn't dance that well either. His natural grace all but disappeared when on the dance floor, but she never minded, because he at least made the effort to take her somewhere nice.

'_Erg…there I go again! I'm here to have fun, to try and move on with my life, yet all I can think about are my memories of him. But they were good memories, back when I thought we had a chance…_

_He hasn't taken me dancing in a while…'_

Kagome was beginning to think this was a bad idea, coming here, when the pain of leaving him was still so fresh. But Aunt Kaede had said that it was time to stop moping around at the shrine, because all her sadness was giving the elderly miko a headache. She had practically pushed Kagome out of the house after she promised to have a good time out on the town.

But Kagome wasn't having fun. The music was too loud, the outfits too gaudy, and everyone around her seemed to be years her junior. She noticed some of the young men a few tables away glancing back over at her, but she ignored them. They couldn't have been out of university yet, much too young for her taste.

'_I guess I'm getting old… Maybe I'm just too old for this clubbing thing… Most girls my age have families now…with children and husbands…'_ Thinking about children brought back the last fight she had with Inuyasha before she'd left almost two weeks ago.

"No. I will not think about him any longer. I learned to live without him once. And I'll damn well do it again." She forced herself to think about something else, anything else. Like the conversation she had with her cousin yesterday. After that first call last week, she and Sango had kept in touch daily, but Sango always sounded strange, as if there was something she wanted to say, but couldn't bring herself to voice it. Kagome was worried that something was wrong with her cousin's pregnancy and that Sango wasn't saying anything because she didn't want Kagome to be forced to come back to Tokyo. If only she could catch Miroku home one day when she called! Kagome was certain that her cousin-in-law would tell her what was wrong if she asked him. Maybe Miroku would drop some kind of hint as to what Inuyasha was doing now too, not that Kagome cared, but it would be nice to know if she was even missed…

"Hey, pretty lady! Why don't you come dance with me? It's too fine a night for an angel like you to be by yourself." Kagome looked up, startled by the voice of the young man standing over her table. He was one of the boys she observed earlier. Up close, she could see that he was a little older than she'd first thought, maybe only a year younger than she was. His short cropped hair was dyed in multicolored hues of blue and purple, and his face looked like a piercing artist's wet dream. Even his pointy demon ears hadn't been spared. Kagome wondered absently what youkai tribe he was from.

He was Inuyasha's exact opposite in appearance. And although Kagome wasn't into strange hair and extra metal parts, she decided that dancing with him couldn't hurt.

'_I need to move on. And I can't do this just sitting around drowning in the past.' _But even as she opened her mouth to answer him, she felt a strange throbbing at the base of her neck. Her heart contracted as doubts fell through her mind. She didn't _want_ to do this. She didn't _want_ to reach for his hand. But she ignored her misgivings and chalked it up as the part of her that still loved Inuyasha was protesting this.

"Sure, if you think you can keep up with me." She reached out to place her hand in his, and it was like trying to force opposite poles of a magnet together. He frowned at the invisible barrier that kept their hands apart. The back of her neck was growing warm now, but she still was determined to ignore it.

"Wow, that's some neat trick, how do you do it?" he asked as Kagome just stood up on her own. She looked down at her hand and frowned too.

"I don't know, it's never happened before." She reached for his hand again, and this time whatever had previously kept them from touching was gone. Their hands grasped firmly…

And suddenly he was howling in pain and trying to jerk away from her. Kagome let him go and immediately placed a hand to the back of her neck. The throbbing and the heat were almost painful now. He backed away from her as if she was lethal, leaving Kagome to wonder if her miko powers were somehow going haywire.

"Fuck! Why didn't you tell me you were bound?" He swore at her before looking around the crowded night club. "I don't know where your mate is lady, but you'd better get back to him." With that he turned and stomped away, leaving Kagome feeling confused and slightly dizzy.

What had he been talking about? Mate? Bound? While the terms weren't foreign to her, she couldn't understand how they pertained to her. Her eye sight blurred while she was staring off after her almost-dance-partner, and she realized just how tired she suddenly felt. She reached up to rub a trembling hand across the back of her neck. She wanted to go home. Not to Kaede's shrine. No, she wanted Inuyasha more than anything right now, but Kagome was afraid she'd burnt too many bridges for that to ever happen.

* * *

"She wasn't there?" Miroku looked across the booth at his long time friend's face. He hadn't got to talk to Inuyasha much since he'd come back from L.A. In fact, this was the first time he had been able to ask for the full story. Inuyasha signed and sat back, signaling the waitress away as she approached with menus. His hands came up to scrub roughly at his face.

"But you got to meet her family. Surely they had some idea as to where she is." Inuyasha didn't remove his hands from his face to answer. He just nodded his head. Miroku sent him a sympathetic glance. He stayed silent, knowing that Inuyasha would feel him in sometime before they parted ways tonight. Miroku was a very patient man, after all, he'd started asking Sango to bear his children way back in the second grade. His patient efforts with his friend, just like those with his wife (and the mother of his children), proved not to be in vain.

"Her mother hates me. I never thought about what it must be like for them, having Kagome live so far away. She told me things about Kagome that I didn't know…" His voice faded off and Miroku could tell that Inuyasha was no longer with him. His face was contorted as if he was remembering something painful.

_-..Flashback..- _

"…_do you think you are? Coming into **my** house and **demanding** to see my daughter? I haven't seen my daughter in five whole years! And it's your fault! She was almost happy, Mr. Kunikada, until **you called her back** to that miserable island. She was going to get married, did you know that? Houjo had already asked her father for her hand. Then you took her from me…from us…from him! She wouldn't even come back to see her brother graduate high school!" The hysterical woman turned away from him and buried her face into her husband's chest._

"_I'm sorry, but—"_

"_Make him go away, Daisuke. Just make him leave us alone. If Kagome's hiding from him, she has to have a good reason." He heard her muffled words and felt his heart sink. But he had to try one more time._

"_If you'd just—"_

"_I'm sorry sir, but my wife is very distressed right now, maybe you should leave. And I don't think it would be wise to come back."_

"_But I came all this way, if you'd just—"_

"_I can't help you, I'm sorry that you traveled all this way. Souta, would you show Mr. Kunikada to the door." The older man turned his back on Inuyasha and escorted his weeping wife up the stairs. Inuyasha turned desperate eyes toward Kagome's brother. The younger man just shook his head and walked to the door. Inuyasha felt the last of his hope crumble. Her own family wouldn't help him._

"_We have a great-aunt who lives in Kyoto. Kagome might be with her." Souta whispered to the dejected hanyou as he walked by. Inuyasha's head whipped up at the man's words. Souta shrugged and wouldn't meet his eyes._

"_Kagome talked about you a lot, even when she lived here and dated that Houjo guy. I know she loves you, and you apparently care for her a great deal to come all the way here. Just promise me when you find her you'll bring her back here for a visit, ne? I miss my sister." Inuyasha saw a little bit of his own pain mirrored in the younger man's eyes. He nodded his head, making up his mind then and there that he'd bring Kagome back to see her family if it was the last thing he did._

"_I promise, Souta."_

_--..Flashback..--_

"Did you know, Miroku that she was going to get married? I…I saw that Houjo guy's picture in one of her albums once, but I never thought…" Inuyasha let his voice drift off as he turned to stare out the window. Miroku shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"I knew she was dating him, and Sango said that the night of your accident was some kind of anniversary for them. I suppose he was going to propose that night but he never got the chance." Inuyasha looked back at his friend, and for the first time in the almost two weeks that Kagome had been gone, Miroku saw some of his old spark return.

"I've almost lost her twice already, Miroku. Three times if you count now. I can't believe how fucking blind I've been all this time! Kagome was right to leave me." Miroku was shocked to hear those words coming out of Inuyasha's mouth, and for a moment he wondered if his friend had finally lost it. "But now I'm going to get my act together! I don't care how long it takes for me to find her and prove to her that I'm a changed man, because I'll never give up. I love her and I know for a fact she loves me!"

Miroku was duly impressed with Inuyasha's renewed confidence and hope. It was like looking at a different hanyou. That's why he hated to ask the question he was about to voice.

"Do you even know where to start looking for her?" Some of Inuyasha's steam left him, and a touch of doubt flickered in his eyes.

"Her little brother, Souta, said that they had a great aunt who lived in Kyoto. He said that Kagome might be with her." Miroku wanted to shake his head. Kyoto was a big city, without a name to go on, Inuyasha had little hope of finding one old woman among thousands.

"Inuyasha, there's no way you can kind this woman with out even knowing what she does for a living!'

"I know, but Sango's got to know what this woman's name is because she would be her aunt, too. I'm going to find my mate, and your wife is going to help me."

Miroku didn't like the look in Inuyasha's eyes or the tone of his voice. Sango wasn't going to be happy about this. And when Sango was unhappy, the whole world (meaning the life that went on behind their bedroom doors) suffered.

* * *

The sun was just starting its ascent into the sky. All over the city, shop owners hurried to unlock doors and set out displays of goods in hopes of enticing the wary morning consumers in through their doors. Soon the streets would be filled with commuters going to work and school. A little later the young house wives would venture out to take their young children to the park or maybe the zoo. People would live this day just like they had lived the day before, one moment at a time, never considering the possibility that their happiness was as fragile as a spider's web.

Humans are like that, blissfully ignorant until the last possible moment

Kaede tried to muffle the moan that escaped her lips as she rolled over in bed before slowly sitting up. She was getting old, the proof was in all the aches and pains she felt in the morning, and in the fact that it was getting harder and harder for her to kneel in prayer before the altar each day.

"It's a good thing Kagome has decided to help me out. I was always sad that she had no real interest in learning to use her miko powers. Maybe I can pass this shrine on to her when I die." She was shaking her head even as she said those words aloud. Kaede might be old, but she wasn't stupid. She knew that Kagome wouldn't be staying with her long enough to learn how to be a miko. It was only a matter of time before whatever the girl was running from caught up with her.

But as long as she was here…it wouldn't hurt to put her to work, now would it?

Kaede made her way out into the hall and toward the kitchen with breakfast in mind. Or maybe just a cup of tea and a bit of that left over miso soup from dinner the night before. Kagome had gone out last night for a bit of fun, and the old miko truly didn't except for her great-niece to be up for many more hours, so there was no reason to cook a big morning meal. It had been a long time ago, but she still remembered how the very young liked to stay out to all hours of the night entertaining themselves in manners that would make their parents blush with shame. But to her surprise, she found Kagome seated at the low table in the center of the room. A cup of no-longer-steaming coffee sat in front of her, cradled in listless hands. The girl was still wearing the clothes she'd left in yesterday.

"Kagome-chan, did you just get in?" That would explain her state of dress, if she'd just came in from her night out. Kagome looked up, noticing her elderly relative for the first time.

"No, I got in around 12 last night." She went back to staring into the depths of her coffee as if the dark beverage held the answers to life's riddles. Kaede felt a touch of panic raise up inside of her chest at the girl's words. Had something happened to her while she was out? Why had she not gone to bed when she came home?

"Kagome-chan are you—" She reached out a hand to touch the young woman's shoulder, but before she could Kagome abruptly stood up. Her bangs obscured the elder's view of her eyes, and Kaede cursed the annoying habit all children seemed to have these days with letting their hair grow into their faces.

"I…I've been up thinking all night long. I'm not cut out for the dating scene. All the flashing lights and fake smiles, it's just not me anymore. What I want…what I want more than anything in this world is—" She cut herself off and finally met her aunt's worried eyes. Kagome bit her lip, wondering how the elder miko would take her next words.

"Go on, child." Kaede encouraged, determined to do anything within her power to bring the smile back to her great-niece's face.

"I want to learn how to run this shrine…and…I want to adopt a child. A youkai child."

**TBC**

**AN: **Ah, and another chapter is born…I hope with one was a little more hope filled than the last have been. The next chapter will focus on Inu in the beginning, but the majority of it will be about Kagome. I could let it stay on Inu, but at the moment he's not doing anything exciting, just working for Sessho, trying to figure out a way to fire Kanna, and looking for Kagome.

But Kagome, on the other hand, is doing a lot of interesting things, like adopting a child, meeting up with an old flame that is now an Olympic marathon runner…

Bet you don't know who that is…

Anyway, as close as I can figure this story only has about four or five chapters left…it's like the shortest thing I've written…but that's the point really. I wanted to see if I could write something and not have it turn into a monster of mammoth proportions.

Like TWTHE…13 chapters and the finally kissed…eesh…

Oh and about the mating/marking thing…I know some of you will have figured it out by now, or at least where I'm heading with it, and for those of you that are still scratching your heads, well I love you too!

I'm not going to tell you everything, cause that good is a plot if I cheat and spill the beans? But I will say that the "mark" isn't so much a physical thing as it is a spiritual/magical thing…so even though she's "marked" as his mate it's not like she's got the open bite wound on her neck --;;

I hate to say it but the whole, "He bit me to make me his." Thing is kinda over done…so I'm trying to reinvent it…but eh…my ways probably been done too…

Nothing new under the sun…blah…


	7. Chapter 5: Finally Cornered

_Disclaimer: I still don't own Inuyasha. Ignore any errors in spelling or grammar as I don't really have a beta for this story yet. Also thanks goes to all the people who encouraged me to write this story._

_AN: Sorry it's been so long…Oh and if your wondering about the time line…as best I can count Kagome's been gone for a month and a week._

Chapter 5: Finally Cornered

_

* * *

_

_I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore_

* * *

Long shadows fell on the wall in a testament that the noon hour had come and gone. A few pots sat on the stove, cheerfully bubbling away. Dinner would be ready in a few minutes and after that it would be time for Rei to take his bath. Sango bit her lip and looked over at the clock handing cheerfully in the corner of her kitchen. It was one of those digital clocks that told you exactly what time it was in blinking red numbers. Miroku hated that clock. He liked the one that Kagome and Inuyasha had that chimed the hour. He said this digital one had no soul. Sango had never cared much about clocks one way or another. A clock was a clock, a simple time keeping device that was a necessity in daily life. But she was beginning to hate that little blinking clock with its red flashes, warning her that her husband would be home in exactly 19 minutes and 30 seconds.

And Inuyasha would be coming with him. For the last three weeks it was the same thing every night. Inuyasha came over and tried to convince her to give up Kagome's location while Miroku just silently sat beside her so she couldn't get up and leave the room. He never let Inuyasha yell or scream at her like that first night, but he didn't help her any either. She tired everything to get them to leave her alone, for the first few nights she hadn't said a word, just ignored them both, but when Inuyasha started to refuse to leave at night she'd had to break down and at least converse with him. She told him that Kagome was fine and happy, but of course that only encouraged him to badger her more about her cousin's location.

Sango started making Miroku sleep on the couch, thinking by withholding certain…favors… from her husband he would tell Inuyasha to leave her alone to get back in her good graces. But all Miroku did was drag his pillow behind him as he left the room.

Sango was at the end of her rope. She missed her husband; they rarely talked anymore because of all this mess. Plus something Inuyasha had said the night before made her nervous.

"_I know that you have an aunt that lives in Kyoto. I know that she's elderly and so I looked through Kagome's old photo journals and found some pictures of an old woman dressed like a miko. All I have to do now if find out how many shrines in Kyoto have elderly mikos serving in them and I'll find her. Any don't you make it a little easier on me and just tell me where she is?"_

He was so close to finding her, but Sango still didn't want to tell. Sure it would only take Inuyasha's private investigator about a week to hunt down Kaede, but at least that was a week that Kagome could take to prepare her self.

Sango cut her eyes toward the phone. She hadn't dared to call her cousin in three weeks because she was afraid that Inuyasha was somehow waiting for her to make that call so that he could find Kagome by tracing the number. But someone had to warn her that he was close to finding her. She bit her lip again and reached for the phone.

The clock on the wall warned her that she only had 7 minutes and 37 seconds to make the call.

* * *

"_Moshi Moshi, this is the Sunshine Temple of Kyoto, Kagome speaking, how can I help you?"_ She tried, she really did, to make her voice sound cheerful. After all, what would people think if the person answering the phone at a place called _Sunshine_ sounded like a rain-cloud? But she didn't quite pull it off. Kagome could tell by the way the man on the other end of the line responded that he was wondering if he had the wrong number. He ended up just saying good-bye without ever telling her why he'd called. She stared at the phone for a moment before hanging it up slowly.

What was wrong with her? It had been almost a month and a half since she left, surly she should be able to sleep by now without missing his arms around her? Surly she should be able to eat without getting sick? She had a child that depended on her now, she had to move on.

Kagome smiled at the thought of the seven year old who was now living with her until the adoption was finalized. Aunt Kaede had been shocked when she'd announced she was going to adopt but she had been unable to sway Kagome from the idea.

This was her way of showing Inuyasha that she didn't _need _him. She could have a child without him; she could have a fulfilled life without him. She could be a whole woman and start her own family without him….she could be **happy** without him.

Or she'd die trying.

At least that had been the idea behind adopting at first, then she'd met the little orphan and refused to leave without him. Shippou _needed_ her, and right now Kagome _needed_ to be needed.

"Kagome?" She was broken from her thoughts by the small reedy voice of the object of her contemplation. Kagome looked toward the voice and saw bright orange hair peeking out from behind the doorway. She smiled at the small kitsune and motioned for him to come into her room. When he'd made himself comfortable beside her on the bed, Kagome reached over and ruffled his hair.

"What do you want to do now, squirt? It's still early in the day and I think the shrine will survive if we leave for a few hours." He frowned a little at being called 'squirt' but quickly forgot about it. Was she offering to let _him_ pick the day's activity?

"Anything I want?" He asked just to make sure that she was serious. Kagome tilted her head to the side and thought about it.

'_This is it! She's going to take the offer back.'_

"Well, we can go anywhere you want as long as it's not Disney World or the Zoo. I'm coming down with a cold or something and I really don't feel up to a long train ride or walking around a lot. I'm really sorry if one of those is something you wanted to do. I promise that by next week I'll be up to such a major outing." The seven year old blinked at her. She was sorry because she didn't feel up to taking him to _Disney World_? All he'd been hoping for was a trip to the park and _maybe_ if he was good, some ice cream.

"That's okay, all I really wanted to do was go to the park anyway. You can sit on one of those wooden benches while I play, or you could swing." He patted her hand to let her know he wasn't disappointed and he was rewarded with a gentle smile. He was really beginning to like that smile.

"I know what will really make you feel better." He declared as he grabbed her hand and began to pull her out of her bedroom.

"And what's that." She let herself be pulled out and down the stairs with a soft grin. He was such a sweet kid. Kagome was so happy she'd found him that day. Shippou made her life so much brighter and she could feel her heart slowly beginning to heal.

"Ice-cream."

* * *

Kagome leaned her head against the chain that held up the swing and sighed. Shippou was climbing up the slide for what must have been the one hundredth time and she wondered when the joy of the simple ride would get old to him. In two years, or three? Did the slide ever get old? Could one tire of the sweaty palms and weightless rush of feelings going down the slide gave?

The last time she'd enjoyed a slide had been years ago, so long that she couldn't really remember…

Gosh, but she felt so old…

"He's a very energetic child; you must have a hard time keeping up with him." Kagome looked up to see that another woman had joined her on the swings. A very pregnant woman. She smiled politely and turned her eyes back to Shippou. He'd come down the slide while she'd been zoned out and was now standing in line to go again.

"Yes, he's very energetic. I've only had him for a few days and already I'm wishing for even a fraction of his energy." Kagome glanced back over at the woman just in time to see her wince and place and hand to her swollen stomach.

"Are you okay?" she asked worriedly. The woman waved her concern away with a smile and a laugh as she straightened back up.

"I'm fine; my kids were just playing soccer with some of my organs. So you've only had that little guy for a few days, huh? Adoption?" she waited for Kagome's nod of affirmation before continuing, "My husband and I thought about adopting but when we found out I was carrying triplets…well we decided to hold off for a little while." She patted the swell of her belly in mock frustration and grinned over at Kagome. Kagome found herself liking this young woman very much and she took a closer look at her. She had long auburn hair tied up on either side of her head in pig-tails and her eyes were a startling emerald color. She was pretty and although her hair style was a little young, it somehow fit this woman perfectly.

"Triplets, wow! When are you due?" She asked, naturally curious about anything to do with children and birth. She'd missed Rei's birth and it looked like she would miss Sango's next child too.

"I'm due in about three months, although I look like I'm about to pop! My husband teases me about how slow I've become, but I tell him that we can't all be speed demons." She waved her hands around in an animated fashion and Kagome couldn't help but laugh.

"Men just don't understand what it's like! When my cousin was pregnant with her first child her husband refused to go out and find her a watermelon at 3:30 in the morning one time. It wasn't pretty." She could laugh about it now, but at the time when Sango had called her bawling about that watermelon, Kagome had been less than pleased. Kagome glanced down at her watch and saw that it was almost dinner time. She stood up to call Shippou over so they could head home, but found the woman grasping her hand.

"Wait before you go I'd like to know your name. My husband and I just moved here so he could train for the Olympics and I don't know very many people yet. I'd like to have you as a friend. My name's Ayame by the way." Kagome smiled down at the younger woman.

"I haven't been here long either and could use a few friends my age. I'm---"

"Kagome?" Kagome knew that voice but she just couldn't place it. Kagome turned to see a young man with long brown hair pulled up into a pony tail approaching them. He was grinning from ear to ear and something in her memory clicked.

"Kouga?" She and Ayame spoke at the same time and then looked at each other.

"You know my husband?"

"You're married to Kouga?" Again they spoke at the same time and both had to laugh. By this time Kouga had arrived at his wife's side and stood staring at Kagome with surprised eyes, as if she was the last person he'd ever expect to meet on the street. It irritated Kagome just a little, but she let the feeling fade. She was just too tired to stay angry for long.

"What are you doing here Kagome? Last I heard Inuyasha was keeping you close to Tokyo." His question and statement were innocent enough, but Kagome felt the knife in her heart give a sharp twist. Something of her pain must have showed on her face because Ayame reached out and patted her hand.

"Don't ask her that Kouga, I don't think she wants to talk about it."

"No, its okay…It's just that Inuyasha and I…aren't together anymore." Kagome looked over at the slide to find Shippou and completely missed the look of worried shock on Kouga's face. He opened his mouth to say something, but his wife elbowed him and sent him a look.

"So how do you know each other?" She asked before her husband said anything stupid to cause her new-found friend more pain.

"We graduated high school together. I haven't seen Kagome since she left for college in America." Kouga answered for them both, leaving out that Kagome hadn't really finished high school or graduated with him before disappearing overseas. But he did look at her with some old hurt in his eyes because she never said good-bye.

"Oh! You went to school in America? How was it?" Ayame thought it was a harmless enough question, but Kagome's smile turned tight lipped. That question just reminded her of how much she was beginning to regret ever coming back to her native shores. In America everything was simple; she couldn't say the same for Japan anymore.

"It was…nice. I'm sorry but I must be getting home now. If you want to stop by for a visit some time Ayame-san I'd love to have you. Just come to the Sunshine Temple and ask for me." She waved at the confused couple and called for Shippou before they could say anything else.

"Do you think she doesn't know?" Ayame asked her husband as he helped her stand up, "I mean, why would she want to leave her mate like that?"

"I don't know. Inuyasha was always a huge jerk during high school. That's why Kagome ran off to America in the first place. I bet that piece of dog-shit has done something to make her run away again, but this is more serious than in high school. Kagome is very close to losing it. Maybe you should go by and check on her tomorrow while I'm at the gym."

"No, I have a bad feeling about this, maybe we can both go over for a visit after dinner tonight." Ayame watched as the last of her new friend disappeared around the corner and took her husbands hand. She looked up into his eyes and saw just how worried he was for Kagome. She wondered if maybe there had been something between the two in high school, but she didn't ask. Kouga was all hers now, so things like that didn't bother her one bit.

"Okay, just as soon as we feed you and the monsters we'll go pay her a visit."

* * *

"_Sunshine Temple, this is Kagome speaking_." Sango immediately heard how tired Kagome sounded and she worried her lip. Maybe this wasn't a good time to tell her everything.

"_Kagome, this is Sango."_

"_Oh hi, Sango! It's wonderful to hear from you, it's been such a long time."_ Some of her weariness seemed to fade away and she almost sounded like her old self again. _"You'll never guess who I met today in the park."_

"_I'm sorry about that; it's been kind of…hectic here…."_

"_Is the baby okay? Has anything happened to Rei?"_ Kagome picked up on the hesitation in her voice and was afraid that this was one of 'those' calls. She couldn't help feeling a tiny pinch of fear in her heart every time she picked up the phone and heard Sango's voice echoing over the line. It had been that way since the night of Inuyasha's accident all those years ago.

"_No, it's nothing like that. **Everyone **is okay._ " Sango made sure to stress the 'everyone' part so that Kagome would know that Inuyasha was included in that statement. If the younger woman caught on she gave no indication, _"Tell me who you met."_

"_Oh, I met Kouga from high-school and his wife. She's having triplets in about three months."_ Sango looked at the clock and saw that she only had three more minutes.

"_Kagome, I have something important to tell you."_

"_Sango, can I tell you something?" _They both spoke at once then laughed nervously as a strange kind of tension filled the phone line. There was a stretch of dead air while they both waited for someone to speak and break the sudden awkwardness. Sango glanced at the horrible time keeping device that had become the bane of her existence in one short afternoon and knew she had no more time to dawdle. If that red blinking menace was right she only had seconds before her husband walked through the door.

"_Kagome, Inuyasha is very close to finding you. I haven't told him where you are but he's tracked you to one of the temples in Kyoto, it's only a matter of days before he shows up." _Her voice was urgent as she hurried to impart her message in the short amount of time she had left. Part of her wished Inuyasha and Miroku would catch her talking to Kagome, then maybe this whole horrible ordeal could end.

"_But he can't find me, I'm not ready yet…I'm not ready yet! **I-I-I'M NOT READY YET!**" _Sango had to hold the phone away from her ear and felt her stomach clench with dread. Maybe she'd made a mistake in warning her.

"_Kagome, Kagome listen to me, it'll be okay. Inuyasha, he's **changed** since you've left, maybe---"_

"_**NO!** You don't **understand**! I'm **not** ready! I haven't learned how to stop loving him yet! If he comes now I-I- I'll…**NO**! I-He **can't** come….He** can't** find me yet! **Maybe not ever!"**_ She was sobbing loudly over the phone now and Sango could hear the voice of a child somewhere in the background asking if Kagome was alright in a panicky voice.

"_Kagome! **Please** just calm down!"_ But her begging was all for naught. On the other end of the phone she heard a clatter and with a sinking heart she knew that Kagome had dropped the phone, but she still desperately called out to her cousin, hoping against hope that somehow her voice would be heard over Kagome's sobs.

"_KAGOME! **KAGOME**!"_ Sango herself was sobbing now, and she was so caught up in trying reach her cousin that she never heard her husband or friend enter the house. She only realized that she wasn't alone anymore when the phone was ripped out of her grasp. The look on Inuyasha's face when he heard Kagome's sobs coming over the line finally and complete broke the pregnant woman's heart and she threw herself into her husband's chest sobbing loud enough to rival Kagome's wails of agony.

"Please, make it stop!" she begged Miroku as he wrapped his arms around her trembling form. "Please just make is all stop!"

Behind her Sango heard the sound of her cordless phone being crush against the floor. She clutched tighter to her husband and tried to block out the sound.

T.B.C

I'm so sorry that this wasn't out on Monday last week, but as most of you know I had a death in my family, then a weeks worth of exams and studying for finals that are coming up faster than ever.

I know most of you assumed that Kouga was going to be Kagome's new lover interest, and I'm sorry to disappoint you. Kouga will only be fulfilling the roll of friend-older brother in this story because I think I'm already got enough of a love triangle going on between Inuyasha-Kagome-Kikyou to add wolf-boy into the mix.

In my head this chapter looked differently, but I'm reasonably proud with the outcome. In the next chapter our couple reunites, or at least Inuyasha tries to reunite….

I know you've all been looking forward to the next chapter and I'll try not to make you wait too long. I'm going to be gone to Arizona for a week starting Friday so you should see a new chapter in this and TWTHE (maybe more than one since I plan on spending my 23 hour car drive wisely) by the 19th. But be forewarned that my college finals start right after that so you might to hear from me for a while. But I'm always going to be coming back, I promise!

Hitomi Lei AkA The Purple Ghost


	8. Chapter 6: Alive Enough to Die

Disclaimer: I still don't own Inuyasha.

AN: Sorry it's been so long…My laptop broke then school near drowned me…then…lots of other junk happened…but you don't need to hear about these petty complaints…go do what your hear for…read the story! (.)

Wasn't the happiest I've ever been over this chapter…but after going over it and my notes, I can't figure out a way to make it better…eh…please forgive me if it's not up to par.

Chapter 6: Alive Enough To Die

* * *

And some words played between us to and fro

* * *

She could smell green. It did not occur to her, as she floated in that place between sleeping and awaking, that it was impossible to smell a color, she just knew that she smelled green.

Was surrounded by it.

Was drowning in it.

It wasn't the good kind of green smell one could associate with plants, all damp earth and new life. It wasn't a bad green smell either, like stale air and mildew green. No, this green smell was…sterile…unfeeling…pale…and it made her stomach clench and her mind pull up images of a man laying broken in a hospital room while women in green swarmed around his bed like angry bees. His silver hair lying so limp by the pillow and spilling out toward the floor was still stained with blood that had long been washed out by the time her plane touched down. She still remembered vividly that pale pink tinge…  
The air had smelt like this then too. Like someone was trying to hide the sent of their misdeeds under gallows of bleach. Yet the underlying stench of sickness still lingered.

The smell was medicine green. Hospital green. Green death….

She stirred a bit, her eyelashes quivering in an attempt to flutter open, her fingers twitching as if reaching for something that might help her in the fight to come awake. But she found nothing to help combat the numbing darkness and slipped away again.

* * *

The waiting room at Kyoto General was crowded, and even with the press of bodies it was freezing. Kaede was sure, as she wrapped the blanket tighter around the little boy sleeping in her lap, that if she looked close enough she'd see her own breath rising toward the horrid florescent lights. Her eyes roved over the other people in the waiting room and she wondered absently what tragedies had befallen them this night. There was a man dressed in one of those expensive foreign suits sitting in the far corner, as far away from the other occupants of the room as he could get, constantly checking his watch impatiently. In the middle of the room there was a little boy huddle against a girl Kaede could only guess to be his older sister. She held the boy awkwardly, too shocked her-self to be of much comfort, and stared off into space.

_'It rains on the just and the unjust I suppose, but Kami-sama, some things just don't make since to this old miko.' _

"Would you like some coffee, Takamori-san? Or maybe some tea?" Kaede looked up, startled a little to have an unfamiliar voice interrupting her thoughts, but she relaxed at the sight of the young woman who'd helped her calm Shippou down after Kagome had collapsed.

"No, I don't want to disturb the child." Kaede glanced down at the young kit again and hoped he'd be okay. Shippou had gone frantic when the ambulance had pulled into the shrine gates, screaming that the EMT's would kill his new mother just like they'd killed his old one.

"I'm sorry about Kagome …if I had known she was in such a state I'd never have let her leave the park alone." The young woman rested her hand against her swollen abdomen and glanced worriedly over at her husband who was frowning at the cell phone he held in his hand. With curse words that sent most of the parents in the room scrambling to cover the ears of their impressionable children, Kouga snapped his phone shut before ripping it back open and pounding out another number on the pad.

"If he keeps this up, I'm going to have to buy him another one of those things." She sighed and eased her way down into an empty seat beside Kaede, "That'll be the fifth one this month." They sat in silence for a moment, each thinking their own thoughts and half listening to the sounds of the busy ER around them.

"I wasn't surprised when Kagome showed up at my door a little over a month ago." Kaede began when the silence and her own thoughts became too much for her to bear alone. "The girl has always run away when she feels cornered. I remember when she was a small child, and her family lived next door to my shrine for a while, whenever Kagome's mother scolded her Kagome would come running to the shrine with a little bundle of her favorite toys under her arm." Kaede wasn't sure why she was rambling on to the young woman beside her, but she couldn't help herself. As a miko she rarely found a situation that was too great for her to handle and the knowledge that she couldn't help her beloved niece made her old heart ache. She shifted a bit in her seat and sighed. Rambling was an affliction of the very old, the very stupid, and the very young. She knew she fit at least two of those descriptions. Kaede would have just let her story end there, but Ayame nudged her in the arm and motioned for her to continue.

"She'd tell me that she was going to live with me forever and become a miko so she'd never have to listen to her mother again. Of course that never lasted more than a few days at the most. Sometimes I wonder if in those early years her parents should have come and gotten her instead of just humoring her. Maybe then she would have learned that running away only makes things worse…but that's neither here nor there. She's sick because she ran away from the youkai that claimed her, isn't she?" Kaede had been a miko for many years, so she'd seen all the signs before. The restlessness, the inability to eat or sleep properly, the unease around the opposite sex…all signs that for some reason a mated pair had been broken up.

"Yes," Ayame spoke quietly, "I don't know the whole story, but from what I can gather from Kouga, Kagome-chan has always loved a inu-hanyou named Inuyasha, but he chose a girl named Kikyou instead. After he made his choice Kagome left for America. She didn't even stick around to graduate with her class. Kouga says he heard that Inuyasha and Kikyou were in a terrible accident a few years ago, and right after that he heard Kagome was back in Japan. Kikyou's been in a coma all these years…I wonder…" Her stomach jerked a little and the expectant mother let out a little grasp of pain and glared at her bulging belly. "I swear one of those little monsters in there really hates me…"

"But that doesn't explain why she left him. I haven't kept in touch with the girl as much as I should have over the years, before moving over-seas her family traveled a lot…And I suppose I was a little miffed that her parents never consented for me to fully train her while she was still young…" Kaede sighed. So many regrets…

"Kouga thinks that maybe Kikyou woke up and Inuyasha did something stupid. Apparently he isn't very bright…Kouga tried to get in contact with some of Kagome's old friends back in Tokyo, but the number he was given just rings and rings. Now he's trying to place a call in to Inuyasha's brother, who's some kind of CEO type person, but…it's not working very well." As if to demonstrate her words Kouga again swore at being placed on hold.

"Takamori Kaede? Is there a Takamori Kaede in this waiting room?" A hurried looking doctor spoke loudly from the door, and it took the older woman a moment to realize that he was calling her. Quickly as she could, she shifted Shippou into her seat and stood up. Ayame smiled at her to let her know that she would watch the boy, and Kaede felt her heart twist. Finally someone would tell her if her great-niece was going to survive this or not.

"I am Takamori, what's the problem with Kagome?" Kaede saw to reason to beat around the bush. She wanted answers quickly. The Doctor didn't seem to mind.

"The girl managed to totally exhaust her-self, she's dehydrated and a bit malnourished, but those are things that can be taken care of easily. What I'm worried about is what's caused her to abuse her body in such a way. I don't know why she'd left her mate, but I strongly suggest that they be reunited. She will not survive more than a few more months of this separation before she waists away." He frowned at her as if she should have known all of this and somehow prevented it. Kaede felt guilt bubble up inside her again.

_'Yes, yes you're right; I should have stopped this for happening.'_

"How long will she need to stay here?" Her voice was reserved, and she could not quite meet his gaze. The doctor sighed and glanced down at the chart in his hands.

"I'd like to keep her overnight. If she shows enough improvement then I may send her home tomorrow."

"**_FINALLY_**! DO YOU HAVE ANY **_FUCKING_** _CLUE_ HOW HARD IT IS TRACK YOU DOWN?" Kaede tore her attention away from the doctor as Kouga stood in the corner she'd last saw him in and yelled into his battered cell phone. She felt a trill of fear, that probably wasn't the best way to speak to someone you needed help from. When she turned back around the doctor was gone, but that was okay, because Kouga's screaming continued.

"I don't care what you were doing! I don't care that it's fucking mid-night!----" He must have been interrupted because his mouth stopped moving mid-sentence. Everyone in the waiting room begin to move as far away from the angry wolf as they could and Kaede didn't blame them. Even Ayame looked a little uncomfortable, but that could have just been the "little monsters".

"NO! DON'T YOU _DARE_ HANG UP ON ME! ERG! Damn it all to hell! Has that fucking asshole brother of yours been looking for his lost mate?...Oh, _now _you want to listen to me? Okay, okay…My name is Gyoukou Kouga, and I went to school with Kagome and Inuyasha…yes…yes…I just met her again today…no…She collapsed…yeah." He looked over at Kaede questioningly and she nodded her head. "She's going to be fine but she needs him to get his wimpy ass down here." Kaede tuned the rest of the conversation out. Some part of her felt relieved that Inuyasha was coming for Kagome, but mostly she felt like she'd just betrayed her niece. And guilt is a stronger emotion than relief any day.

* * *

It was raining. The clouds were a tumultuous grey-black that served as an ill omen for any thinking of venturing out. The winds tore at everything not nailed down, sending several of the banners that lined the street so far below his office, careening into the air, slamming into the sides of buildings or cars. Being thirty-nine stories up made the sound of thunder and the flash of lightening almost to much to bare with his sensitive hearing and sight, but he really didn't give a damn. Inuyasha stood by the window and watched the people below as they scattered into buildings trying to find cover from the sudden storm. He watched them, but he really didn't see them.

Finally. Finally, he'd found his mate.

Sango had finally whispered her location to him after a heart-wrenching hour of tears on both their parts. By then he'd been so numb that all he'd been able to do was feed Rei his super while Miroku took his wife off to bed. He left their house just as twilight was turning to darker night and wandered the street the rest of the night.

_'Finally. Finally. I'm found her. Finally.'_

But the sound of her weeping over the long distance line still haunted him. He'd made her cry those great soul-tearing sobs. Again. Maybe it would be better if he just left her alone. She could live a much happier life without him; after all, he only ever managed to bring her sadness in all the long years they'd known each other.

"You know, I'm getting sick of your work suffering just because you refuse to get your affairs in order." Inuyasha didn't even turn around to protest the insult his bastard brother had just thrown at him. He was too heart sick.

"You really disgust me, getting so emotional over a human woman." Sesshomaru was baiting his younger brother, trying to get him angry because this…new…side of his brother was scaring even him. Even his brother's dispassionate secretary looked worried when he'd ask to be let inside the office.

"She is...was my mate." Inuyasha finally turned from the window and sat down behind his messy desk. Absently he picked up a legal form and began to read over its complex terms.

"Inuyasha, I'm only going to say this once, then I'm going to leave and act like I never came to your office today, do you understand? You need to pull yourself together and go to your mate! She's ---"

"I know where she's at. And I'm not going. She's better off---"

"--- in the hospital. One of your past associates called my home at 12 am last night yelling about how you needed to 'get your wimpy ass' down there---

"WHAT?"

"If you would stop interrupting me, I might be able to tell you." He paused to make sure Inuyasha wasn't going to interrupt again before continuing. "This Sesshomaru was told that being away from you has seriously affected the young woman's health. This separation is killing her as much as it's killing you. Go Inuyasha, and don't come back until you've made things right." Inuyasha stared at up at his brother for a long moment with intense eyes. Sesshomaru was reminded of the time long passed when he had been a hero in a young Inuyasha's eyes. Only his big brother had had the power and knowledge to chase the monsters out from under the scared pup's bed…Ah, but that was then, and this was now. He'd lost that closeness to his brother a long time ago, but maybe…maybe he could get rid of this one last monster…for old time's sake.

"I took the liberty to have one of the private jets made ready for your flight to Kyoto and had someone pack some clothes for you. Here's enough money to cover your expenses for a few days after you arrive. I've also arranged to have all your work passed out to some of the more trust-worthy junior associates. Everything is taken care of; all you have to do is go." Sesshomaru picked up the rumpled discarded coat that belonged to Inuyasha from the floor where it lay and held it out to his brother. Inuyasha blinked, then slowly reached for the coat and slipped it on. For a moment he looked as if he was going to hug his older brother, and Sesshomaru tensed, unsure how to react to such an uncharacteristic action, but the moment passed and a bit of the old Inuyasha resurfaced.

"Keh, and give that bitch of a secretary out there a vacation. She's too horrible to be assigned to anyone else." Then he was gone off down the hall, yelling curses at the elevator that echoed through-out the thirty-ninth story. Sesshomaru sat down behind his brother's desk and adjusted the chair. With a disgusted sigh he began to go through the messy piles of coffee stained business proposals and legal documents. After a moment he buzzed Inuyasha's secretary.

"Kanna? Would you please send in that young junior associate---What was her name again--- that handled Inuyasha's work the last time he went tearing off after his mate?"

"Rin, sir. And I can have her come up during her lunch hour if that is a good time for you." Sesshomaru spun the chair around so that it faced the huge window and leaned back. The storm was calming down outside.

_'Inuyasha should have no trouble flying if the weather keeps clearing up like this.'_

"Yes, that will be fine. Send her in then."

_'You'd better not make a mess of this little brother.'_

* * *

The steady_ beep, beep, beep _of some unknown instrument heralded their arrival into Kagome's hospital room. The lights were turned low and the shade was pulled down to ward off the sunlight, but the youkai couple could still make out her frail form laying amongst the stiff white sheets. Behind them, the old miko, still holding the small kit who'd become stuck to her side like a barnacle, shuffled in. The four of them collectively held their breath waiting for some sign that the girl was indeed alive.

Kagome rolled her head slightly toward the light invading her room and blinked at the sight of the people gathered in her doorway.

"You can all come in, it's not like I'm dying or anything." Her voice was raspy, and the quiet chuckle she added at the end of her greeting fell flat when the three adults winced and exchanged glances. Shippou tired of all the hesitation hopped out of Kaede's arms and scrambled up into the bed. Kagome smiled gently at his worried expression and opened her arms for a hug. Shippou very carefully snuggled up against her and breathed in her sent. His new mother still smelled sick, but she didn't reek of death like his first mother had when she'd been taken to this horrible place.

"I thought you were gonna to die." He whispered tearfully as she stroked his hair away from his face. Kagome looked into her new son's watery eyes and was struck with a sudden thought: If Shippou was this torn up over the thought of losing her after only being in her care for a short time, how must Inuyasha feel?

_'No! I will **not** start feeling sorry for him.'_

"I'm not going to die anytime soon, I promise. In fact they said I could leave this stinky old hospital sometime today if I'm good." She wiped his tears away with the pad of her thumb then taped him on his nose. Kagome felt a tiny surge of relief when a ghost of a smile crossed the kit's face.

"But you're always good." Shippou cocked his head to the side and scooted away from her to sit on the end of the bed. He didn't catch the reappearance of Kagome's sad expression, but the other adults caught it and exchanged another glance.

"No, Shippou I'm not always good." Her voice was colored with despondence and Kaede decided that it was time for her and Shippou to leave so that Kouga and Ayame could tell Kagome….about her situation…

"Come child, it is time you and I went back to the shrine," She waved a finger in the air when Shippou opened his mouth to protest, "You've seen for yourself that Kagome is alright, and we're only going long enough to bring her back some clothes for the trip home." Shippou looked resigned for a moment before hopping off the bed and catching up Kaede's offer hand.

"I'll only go if you let me put the money in to get the bus pass."

"It's a deal then." The two shook hands, and then Kaede came over to give her great-niece a hug.

"I'm going to really scold you as soon as I get you home. Really, young people can be so fool hardy these days.' Her old voice was gruff, but she was smiling and Kagome took comfort in that fact.

"I'll see you in a few hours Kagome!" Shippou called from the doorway where he bounced impatiently.

"Okay, Shippou. Be good and don't let Kaede climb up all those steps to the shrine. Make her take the back way in!"

After the two had finally left Kagome's hospital room was filled with a tense, borderline awkward silence. Kagome didn't want to be rude and kick Kouga and Ayame out of her room, but she really wasn't up to company right now. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity Kagome cleared her throat.

"Umm guys, I don't want to be rude, but I'm kinda tired. Maybe you can come and visit me at the shrine when I get out of here?" She gave them her best smile, but she didn't put too much effort into it. Kagome really didn't care about appearing happy anymore.

"Actually, we have something we need to talk to you about…but we don't know how to start." Ayame said, coming to sit in the chair beside Kagome's bed. A sense of dread filled Kagome and she griped the white bed sheets tightly.

"The beginning is always a nice place." She pointed out, forcing her voice into something other than a whisper. Ayame looked uncertain for a moment before her face crumbled a little.

"But we don't know the beginning! All we know is the little pieces we've managed to put together and what our noses tell us! How can we help you when we don't know how this happened?" Kagome watched in surprise as a tear trickled down Ayame's face and Kouga came up and pulled his wife into a hug. He looked down at Kagome's concerned, slightly guilty face and shook his head.

"Mood swings." He mouthed and continued to comfort his wife. Watching them together didn't help Kagome's mood at all, and by the time Ayame leaned up and signaled that she was okay by blowing her nose, Kagome felt close to tears herself.

"I don't know how to say this other than bluntly," Kouga took over the discussion as his wife continued to wipe her eyes, "so here goes. Why did you leave your mate?" His question was met with a confused then stunned silence as all the color drained from Kagome's face. She suddenly got a flash-back to her visit to that club all those weeks ago and the strange things that had happen that night.

No…no it couldn't be…

"What do you mean? I-I-I don't understand!" Kagome looked over at Ayame with pleading eyes, hopping that this was just some cruel joke Kouga was playing, but knowing it wasn't when the young wolf wouldn't meet her eyes.

"Inuyasha, Kagome, why did you leave Inuyasha?" Kouga asked gently, stepping away from the wall in favor for kneeling beside his wife's chair so that he would be closer to the distraught girl's level.

"I left Inuyasha because I got tired of being second best. But we weren't mated! We'd just had a fight because he refused to marry me. He was afraid to tie himself to me because _she_ might wake up! I'm not mated to him!" She refused to remember even as unbidden their last night together swam before her minds eye…

"_Do you love me?" She couldn't understand why he was asking such a stupid question instead of finishing what he'd started. Inuyasha hated to talk during sex and right now she wished he'd remember that. _

"Oh, Kami-sama, yes." Of course she loved him, but she would have agreed to anything at that moment if it would have gotten him to continue.

She was too dazed and caught up in the feelings his renewed fervor were creating in her to notice the tingling of youkai magic across her skin….

"I'm not his." She said again without conviction as the tides of memory finally receded. Kagome had been trying her best to keep those particular memories repressed since she ran away, and now that it was out other things from that night fought to rise to the surface, but she brutally shoved them back down.

"That fucking idiot didn't tell you did he? He didn't even ask before he cast the binding spell did he?" Kouga jerked himself off the floor and started pacing the room. Kagome just sat there in her hospital room, numb, her mind trying to grasp onto something, anything that made sense.

"I'm so sorry Kagome; we wouldn't have interfered if we'd suspected that you didn't know about…this…But Kagome you have to listen to me, no matter what has happened in the past, you have to go back to Inuyasha! You're wasting away because you left him so soon after the bond was made!" Ayame grasped Kagome's still trembling hand in hers and was a bit surprised by how cold it was.

"I can't go back." Kagome answered dully. She pulled her hand away from the gentle girl she'd only known for less than a day and glanced toward the closed window shade. Now she wished she'd told the nurse to keep it open so there would be something to stare at now instead of the pleading pregnant woman beside her and her pacing, cursing husband.

"But _you have to_! You'll **die** if you don't go back!" Ayame's words snapped Kagome out of whatever dazed she'd been in and suddenly three things were crystal clear to her.

Inuyasha had marked her for his mate without bothering to ask her permission or even tell her when the deed was done.

Inuyasha had called out Kikyou's name in his sleep that last night, proving that even though he'd apparently just claimed her he was still in love with the other woman.

She was going to die if she didn't go back to Tokyo and Inuyasha.

"No. NO. _NO. **NO**!" _She was shaking now as the full realization of her situation hit her. "_Why_? **_He loves her_**! It's always been **_her_**! Kouga you were **_there_**! You saw how it was during high school! He always had _eyes only for her_, I was just second best. I never measure up no matter how _hard_ I tried to get him to see me was more than a kid sister! He _always chooses her over me_, even now that she's in a coma! **Why** did he do this to me when I finally had the chance to find out what the world was like out from under**_ her_** shadow?" Kagome didn't cry as these angry words poured from her mouth. It was as if she didn't have anymore tears to cry. She looked over at Ayame, who was crying again and then at Kouga who looked like he was about to weep and a small part of her wondered if she should be crying too. But she couldn't cry, not when anger and fear were tightening her gut into knots.

"Maybe...maybe you should talk to Inuyasha about this?" Ayame ventured between sniffs as Kagome ran shaking hands through her tangled locks of raven black hair.

"NO! I can't see him. I can't…I just can't!" Kagome felt some of her anger redirect toward the youkai couple. What right did they have to barge in here and tell her all this? What business was this of theirs? What did they care if she dyed because she refused to see that bastard?

"But Kagome—"

"I'm sorry but I think you should leave now." She reached out and hit the nurse call button on the arm of the bed.

"Kagome you have to listen to us! I spoke to---"The sound of the door opening behind him cut Kouga off. He cursed at being interrupted and the nurse frowned.

"You look very tired ma'am, why don't you say good-bye to your guests and get some rest?" The nurse suggested pointedly and Kagome nodded.

"You can both come by the shrine in about a week if you want." She said to the departing couple.

"I spoke to Sesshomaru last night; Inuyasha should be on his way to Kyoto!" Kouga yelled over his shoulder as the nurse ushered Ayame and him out of the room. Kagome froze, face draining of what little color it had regained since the first bombshell had been dropped on her this morning.

_Inuyasha…was on his way…here?_

* * *

Inuyasha clutched the slip of paper with the address to the hospital Kagome was in tightly in his palm as he stared up at the glass front of the building. She was in there, alive, he could feel her aura from here and he was nearly drowning in it. How overwhelming would it be to stand close to her? To hold her in his arms again? To kiss her until she was breathless and forgave him for being so stupid? He sighed and tried to walk into the hospital, but found that his legs wouldn't obey him. As much as he longed to just see her again, he was afraid.

What if she didn't, no couldn't, forgive him this time? What is she left him again? And his biggest fear: what if she chose death over letting him back into her life?

Inuyasha was terrified that he'd lose her more than he already had. Kagome was everything to him and he couldn't bear to think that she hated him now.

A disturbance out of the corner of his eye, and a familiar, annoying voice from his past jarred him from his desperate thoughts.

"If I ever see that piece of dog shit again I'm going to make him wish he'd never met Kagome!"

"Kouga calm down. We've done all we can, now it's up to Kagome and her mate."

Inuyasha looked over toward the entrance of the hospital and sniffed. Oh yes, he knew that disgusting odor. What was that stupid wolf doing here at Kagome's hospital? Some of the words that Sesshomaru had used this morning came back to him. Sesshomaru never used phrases like 'wimpy ass', he was much too dignified for that…

"Oh fucking _hell_ no! Don't tell me you're the 'past associate' that called my brother last night?" Oh, karma was such a bitch. He really did not want to deal with this bastard wolf right now, not when he was this close to being reunited with his mate. Kouga heard his words and spun around; leaving the pregnant red-haired woman he'd been talking with to call her own taxi. Inuyasha smirked and sniffed again. At least he wouldn't have to worry about Kouga trying to steal Kagome away from him again; it looked like the wolf had his hands quite full at the moment.

"You _asshole!_ I should _rip_ you limb from limb where you stand for what you've done to Kagome, but I won't because she needs you fucking alive to survive!" Inuyasha felt his demon powers rise along with his anger as the tension he'd been feeling inside for weeks grew to the snapping point.

"Keh! You could try but you wouldn't get very far! I should have _killed_ you when I had the chance back in high school!" He cracked his knuckles and dropped down into a fighter's stance. Kouga mimicked him and they circled each other. The people on the street, human and youkai alike, began to back away from the pair.

**"STOP IT BOTH OF YOU!" **Ayame put herself between the two growling males and the crowd gasped. It was incredibly foolish to step between two youkai who were so intent on ripping each other to pieces, but her hormones gave her courage. Her brash actions worked as both men took a step back and stopped circling each other.

"Now you," The angry expectant mother pointed at Inuyasha, "You need to get up there to your mate and kami-sama help me if you ever do _anything_ this stupid again I'll help him kill you!" Then she turned to her husband, "And you are going to stop growling and take me out to lunch. I've been in that waiting room all night and your little monsters are hungry." With that she grabbed her husbands arm and marched away with her head held high. The crowd breathed a collective sigh of relief and parted to make room for the couple.

Inuyasha was left alone, but this time it wasn't as hard for him to take the first step toward the hospital entrance...and Kagome.

* * *

Time did not stop for her, but it slowed down to a trickle, elongating and stretching like a rubber band ready to snap. She sat on the edge of her hospital bed and just let her feet dangle down, caught between running away again and staying to face the inevitable.

Part of her longed to just sit right there and wait for Inuyasha to come in and make all the pain go away. He would promise to never hurt her again, guaranty her happily-ever-after if she'd just come back home. It would be so easy to trust him again, to let herself be comforted by the man she still loved. Maybe too easy.

The rest of her wanted to run as fast as she could away from this hospital. She should have known that Kyoto wasn't far enough away from him. That no where in Japan was safe for her to hide. She needed to get out of here and grab Shippou before Inuyasha caught up with her. She was too weak now to see him. He would break down her crumbling walls with just the sound of his voice. She had to run. She had to get out. She had to get away from him. Now.

The rubber band snapped and time started to flow normally again. Kagome stumbled out of the high bed and struggled with the white hospital gown she was wearing. It caught on her IV and without stopping to think of the pain it would cause, she savagely ripped the offending cord out of her hand. She ignored the blood that began to stream down from her hand as she started to desperately rifle through the closet in the corner for the clothes she'd been wearing yesterday. She was so intent on getting out of that hospital room that she didn't notice the sound of the door creaking open or the fact that she was leaving a bloody trail everywhere.

Kagome struggled to pull her shirt over her head, hissing in pain when the long sleeve caught on the abused flesh of her hand. She paused for a moment to grab a tissue from the bedside table to blot at the wound and it was then that she realized that she wasn't alone in her room anymore. Her eyes slowly followed a path upward taking in the other person's shoes, legs, chest, hair…and finally stopped at his eyes. Golden eyes that bore into her soul like hot knives and left her paralyzed. Those eyes held so many emotions that only she could read; hurt, betrayal, anger, fear, hope…love?

"Running away again, Kagome?"

TBC.

Dun dun duuuuuuuuh

Okay I think I just promoted myself to a new position of evilness! Feel the power!

No really feel it…its like cuddling up to a nice fuzzy baby bunny….

Okay all silliness aside, I'm sorry it's been so long since I updated…but life isn't going so well right now for me, and as Inuyasha put it "Karma is a bitch."

But things should start looking up now that the summer is here and I'm taking off a semester from college.

Some good things have happened to me too, but the way. Both my IY stories have been nominated for awards and this story was deemed worthy to be featured on Cataluna's site. A lot of people are writing me and saying that my stories have touched their lives and that makes me happy. I don't see how my stuff could be that good, but hey, I'm not going to argue with fans.

I am so thankful to all of you who have encouraged me with your kind words recently. Some day's the only way I could go on was because of all of you. And to show you how thankful I am, I gave you a chapter twice as long as normal! And I'm going to give you a preview of my next story at the end of this chapter!

**Hitomi's Handy-Dandy guide to questions from last chapter:**

**What? That was the quickest adoption in the history of fanfiction!**

_The adoption isn't exactly set in stone yet, with a youkai adoption it is important for the kit/cub/pup/child to bond with the new parent. So there's always a trial period where the child is allowed to live in the potential parent's home to see it they are right for each other. If after this time the bond is made and everyone is happy the adoption goes forward, if not the child is returned to the center he/she came from._


	9. Chapter 7: Drip, drop goes the Clock

Disclaimer: I still don't own Inuyasha.

AN: I'm so sorry that I haven't updated in so long…the only thing that I can blame is stupidity on my part for taking too many college hours…but I stayed home tonight (it's Friday and I could have gone out with friends) to give you all the next chapter! And I'm not complaining…cause this is so much more relaxing…I think I only feel whole when I'm writing…

Chapter 7: Drip, drop goes the clock

* * *

_You were just to busy with yourself_

* * *

Kagome struggled to pull her shirt over her head, hissing in pain when the long sleeve caught on the abused flesh of her hand. She paused for a moment to grab a tissue from the bedside table to blot at the wound and it was then that she realized that she wasn't alone in her room anymore. Her eyes slowly followed a path upward taking in the other person's shoes, legs, chest, hair…and finally stopped at his eyes. Golden eyes that bore into her soul like hot knives and left her paralyzed. Those eyes held so many emotions that only she could read; hurt, betrayal, anger, fear, hope…love?

"Running away again, Kagome?"

* * *

There are moments in life that are filled with absolute clarity, when every sense you have sharpens, and time seems to move differently. Not speeding up, really, or slowing down, but suddenly the clock is ticking off another beat entirely. It's almost as if for that one moment, you've been thrown into an alternate delusion and you're analyzing someone else's life.

Drip, drop goes the clock…

The smell of a hundred different cleaners trying to hide the taint of sickness…

The little way his eye twitched when he thought she was running away again…

"Fucking hell! You're bleeding!" The sound of his words broke the spell for her and she glanced down at her hand. The blood was falling from the ends of her fingertips, making a hollow dripping sound as it hit the cold linoleum floor.

Maybe the clock hadn't been making that sound after all.

"I guess I am." Kagome continued reaching for the tissue from beside her bed so that she would have something to mop up the sluggishly moving crimson stain with.

'_Maybe if I ignore him he'll just go away…Maybe this is all just a really bad dream…'_

"Are you trying to bleed to death? Here sit down here and stay put while I call a nurse…Stupid bitches, aren't they suppose to be watching you?" She was a little surprised at the gentleness of his grip as he pushed her down into the starch-roughened sheets.

"I…I…" Inuyasha didn't finish, just pressed a kiss to her forehead and disappeared out of the heavy hospital door.

"He found me." Kagome whispered to herself trying to work up the strength to leave. Some of her shock was wearing off now, and in her mind she was frantic to leave, to put as much space between Inuyasha and herself as was possible, even an ocean if she had too.

But her body refused to move.

* * *

Inuyasha had to bite his tongue to keep down the bile that was rising up his throat. For a moment his elation at seeing her again had swamped all his other senses, he hadn't noticed the dark circles under her eyes of the weight she'd dropped, only that she was trying to run away from him again.

Then the smell of blood, her blood, filled his nose, and he'd heard it as it dropped in an ever-growing puddle on the floor.

'_NO!'_ He viscously shoved those thoughts to the back of his mind, _'I'm not going to think about it…later…but not now…Now I need to get those sorry excuses for fucking nurses into her room. Health care providers my ass!"_

He rounded the corner yelling at the top of his lungs, and the nurse sitting behind the desk at the station was so badly startled that her white cap almost fell from its perch atop her head.

"My mate is bleeding to death in her room and your sitting on your ass! Go help her!" He grasps the edge of the desk for support, suddenly finding his knees weak.

"Sir, please calm down—"

"Don't tell me to calm down! Go fucking help her!" He was leaning over the deck now, and he would have been shaking her if he hadn't needed his hands to support himself.

"Sir, calm down! I need the patient's name before I can do anything to help. Now pull yourself together!" She stood up, clearly not intimidated by him.

"Kagome, her name is Kagome Higurashi, please help her…I think she yanked out her IV." His voice was much quieter now, his desperate worry overriding his flash of temper. The nurse reached down and pushed an intercom button that was almost hidden behind mounds of paper work.

"Jun, Rika, I need you in room 404 now. The patient has removed her IV." She released the button and straitened her cap in one motion.

"Sir, your mate is going to be fine, but I'm going to ask you to stay out here until we get the IV back in." she grabbed a trey of things from the cabinet behind her and started off down the hall. Inuyasha stubbornly followed.

"If you think for one minute I'm going to stay out here…! You people almost let her bleed to death and you want me to stay out here?" His anger was back now, but the nurse had apparently seen worse in her time because she didn't even blink.

"Sir, you can not go in there. In your state you'll upset the patient. The way you can help her now is by staying out here and calming down." And with that she shut the door in his face.

* * *

Kagome was sitting where Inuyasha has left her when the first of the three nurses rushed in. She was a matronly woman who reminded Kagome of Kaede in a comforting way.

"Oh, you've bled quite a bit haven't you? Now why would you want to take out your IV? If you're ever going to get better you have to leave it in." The nurse took Kagome's hand and peeled away the soggy tissue that the girl was still pressing to the wound.

"Looks like you're going to have a nasty bruise here, why don't I put a bandage on this?" Kagome just nodded, her mind else where.

"Mika paged me here?" A much younger nurse popped into the room.

"Yes, Higurashi –san decided to pull out her IV and she bled a little. Do you mind cleaning up the blood?"

Kagome let their conversation fade into the back ground. Inuyasha was here…

Finally here.

That thought surprised her, because up until now she hadn't realized that so much of herself longed for him.

It was startling after she'd spent so much time and energy obsessing about getting away from him. Oh, she was still scared that he would hurt her again, that he'd never love her, that he'd always see Kikyou when he looked at her…

But…

But some how all of that didn't matter as much as it had two months ago.

She knew she'd regret it later, but all she wanted right now was to just get the up coming confrontation over with.

"Miss, this might sting a little, we're putting the IV back in."

Kagome was suddenly very tired. Tired of holding all of her pent up frustration inside. Tired of thinking about her confusing relationship with Inuyasha and the fact that she would latterly die without him now. Tired of worrying. Tired of being scared.

Just tired of everything.

"Okay, the IV's in. This time try to leave it in, okay?" The older nurse patted her knee as she stood up. Kagome just lay back against the flat pillow and closed her eyes.

Maybe the world would fix itself while she was sleeping.

* * *

"Okay, sir, you can go in now if you promise not to wake up the patient. The doctor will be by in a little while to talk to you. He left instructions for us to page him if you ever showed up." Inuyasha ignored the nurse and her disapproving tone. He didn't give a damn about what she thought of him, to be frank; all he was concerned about was getting to Kagome.

The first thing he noticed when he walked into the room was the heavy smell of bleach and cleaning alcohol, and underneath that the lingering scent of Kagome's blood. Inuyasha squashed down his anxious reaction to the thick smells and forced himself to move toward the bed.

Kagome was sleeping, her pale skin almost blending in with the stiff white sheets. The dark circles under her eyes stood out stark against all the whiteness. She looked so frail, so small and broken. But he was here now. He'd make sure she got better, he promised himself, because he was never going to leave her side again.

Inuyasha sat down in the uncomfortable chair that was beside her bed. He gently picked up Kagome's closest hand and examined the already forming bruise.

"Kagome—"He stopped to clear his throat, "Kagome I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I never told you how much I loved you. I'm sorry that you always felt second to Kikyou. Kami-sama I'm sorry for everything. I was so caught up in my own little world that I never realized how unhappy you were. And I know you won't believe me when I tell you this, but I was planning to ask you to marry me the day that you left. And I was going to tell you that we were mates then too. And I know you won't believe this, but I wasn't calling her name…well I guess I was, but it's not what you think. There's so much that you don't understand…so much that I never took the time to explain to you…I thought I could just forget…that it would all go away now that you were back…"He laughed bitterly, gently rubbing a finger over the scarlet-purple spot marring the skin on the back of her hand "I guess I was wrong though, because trying to forget only made things worse…"

"I know I'll never be able to make it up to you, but maybe---"The door opened behind him and he looked up. A strange man in a long white coat was standing in the door way motioning for him to come outside. Inuyasha realized that this man had to be the doctor so he tenderly placed Kagome's limp hand back onto the bed and stood up. He pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"I'll be back Koishii." He whispered then turned and headed out the door. The sound of the door shutting softly echoed through the door and Kagome finally let herself wipe at the tears that had been forming under her eyelashes.

"Oh, Inuyasha, what are we going to do?"

* * *

The doctor said nothing to Inuyasha for a full minute after the inu-hanyou had stepped outside the room. Inuyasha began to nervously shift his weight from foot to foot as he waited for the man—no by his sent the doctor was definitely full youkai of some kind—to acknowledge him.

"You are Kunikada Inuyasha?" The doctor looked up from the ivory colored folder he'd been glancing through.

"Yes, can you make this quick? I don't want her to wake up alone." He growled.

"Hmmm, and I take it that you are." The doctor sniffed the air delicately, "An inu-hanyou?"

Inuyasha was quickly loosing his patients with these stupid questions, "Yes, damn it! I'm a hanyou and right now you're keeping me from my mate, who I haven't---"

"Yes, I know very well that you haven't seen Higurashi –san in almost two months. Are you aware of how dangerous it is for mated pairs to be separated so soon after the binding?" The doctor's eyes seemed to bore into him as Inuyasha struggled to keep his voice down.

"Yes, I am **_very_** aware of how dangerous it is. I've been searching everywhere for her since the moment I realized that she was gone." He couldn't help the growl that underlined his tone.

'_It's un-fucking-believable! I finally find Kagome and these fucking morons won't leave me alone with her.'_

"I'm going to be level with you, Kunikada-san, by law I'm required to report any instances of partner abuse that I see to the Youkai Council ---"

"_**ABUSE? **You THINK I did something to HURT KAGOME!"_ Inuyasha's eyes bled a little scarlet at that suggestion.

"Well, you obviously did something to make you're new mate want to leave you." The youkai doctor was unfazed by Inuyasha's rising ire.

"**_I refuse to listen to this fucking shit any more."_** Inuyasha turned away from the doctor, but before he could open Kagome's door the feel of the other youkai's claws pressed firmly against his back stopped him.

"Before you can check her out of this hospital you'll have to fill out some paperwork and agree to at least six months of counseling." The doctor released his hold on Inuyasha and backed up a few steps, "You may go back to Higurashi-san now, but I suggest that you not upset her."

Inuyasha stood there for a long moment with his hand resting against the cold hospital door. Did they really think that he'd done something to hurt her on purpose?

'_And why wouldn't they? She ripped her own IV out and was trying to run away again when you found her.'_

In the past, thoughts like that would have sent Inuyasha running as far away from Kagome as he could get, because she was obviously better off without him. But today it just stiffened his will. He loved her damn it! And if it took six months of counseling he was willing to do that. Hell, even if it took the rest of his long life to prove to her just how much he cared he was willing.

At this point he would do anything.

* * *

He came back into the room as quietly as he anger would allow his to. Inuyasha expected to see Kagome asleep as he'd left her, but to his surprise she was sitting on the side of her bed looking out the window. He stopped short, not sure of what to do. A part of him wanted to smother her in his arms and never let her go. But the memory of her blood dripping onto the floor, the way she'd reacted to his arrival earlier, put a hold on that desire.

"Kagome?" he asked hesitantly, not daring to move any farther into the room until he knew how she'd react.

"Why are you here, Inuyasha?" Her voice was merely curious, as if she was asking about how the weather had been in Tokyo while she'd been gone. Deciding that she probably wouldn't cause herself any harm if he moved closer, Inuyasha took a seat in the chair at the head of her hospital bed. Kagome kept staring out the window.

"You know why I'm here, Kagome. Did you really think I wouldn't look for you?" He didn't try to hide the hurt in his voice, it was too raw, and impossible to disguise. She didn't answer him, but he could sense a change in her demeanor.

"No. I knew you would come eventually." Her voice was stronger than he'd expected.

"If you knew I would come after you, then why did you leave?" Inuyasha asked the question that had been burning in his soul for months, maybe even years. Oh, he know the answer, had figured it out even before he'd found her picture journal, but he needed to hear the answer from her own lips, see the truth in her eyes.

"Because I couldn't stand to be second best, to only be loved because I could fulfill your twisted longing for a memory! I left, Inuyasha, because I am not, nor will I ever be Kikyou! I can't be what you need me to be, no matter how hard I try! I left because I was slowly dying inside!" she turned to him now, looking at him for the first time since he'd come back into the room. The realization that she really believed that he saw her as second best struck a hard blow to Inuyasha's chest. Up until now he hadn't really believed deep down that that was her reason for leaving him. But now, confronted with the horrible truth in her eyes, he felt as if his heart was being crushed inside his chest.

"You don't understand---"He tried to explain, to some how take some of that pain from her eyes.

"**_No!_** You don't understand! How could that be love? I don't understand a lot of things, but I understand that what we had wasn't love! **_It couldn't have been!"_**

"But in this letter you said you loved me!" Inuyasha held up a badly worn piece of paper that he'd jerked from his pocket. He could feel his anger rolling under the surface. If she thought she'd been the only one hurt in all of this then she was dead wrong. Kagome's eyes darkened for a moment as she tried to remember exactly what she'd written on that long-ago day.

"I also said I refused to be a replacement fuck! I'm not going to pretend not to hear you call out for her in your sleep anymore! I'm not going to act clueless about the fact that I'm obviously second best to a vegetable!" Kagome made the mistake of meeting his gaze, and was caught like a deer in head-lights. She'd never seen him look quite so intense before. The anger and hurt reflecting in his eyes were so bright that she was sure that if she held his golden gaze for much longer he'd scorch away what was left of her heart and soul. Inuyasha refused to let her look away. It was time that she realize she wasn't the only one broken in this relationship.

"Have you ever stopped to think that maybe, just maybe, you don't know what you're talking about? Do you want the honest truth about Kikyou and me? The truth that no one knows? After you left we hit the rocks. I think we were both feeling so guilty over driving you away that we couldn't be happy together. Every time the phone rang, Kagome, I hoped it would be your voice I heard on the other end. Every time I checked my e-mail or the mail ran, I hoped to hear from you! I even called you once! Kikyou knew all of this even though I didn't tell her and she was okay with my obsession for awhile but then…" He paused, wondering if he should sugar-coat any of his story, but decided that the only way Kagome was ever going to understand was if she knew all the details.

"But then she got tired of never having my full attention…and the fighting started. In the end I think she just gave up. That night…The night of the accident, Kikyou saw that truck coming and didn't even scream. Kikyou ran away too, just to a place where I couldn't reach." Inuyasha had never told anyone this story, had never wanted to reopen those old wounds, but he needed Kagome to understand.

"You always want what you can't have, don't you Inuyasha?" She sounded tired and resigned. And Inuyasha cursed under his breath. Hadn't she understood a word he'd said?

"I know what I want, fuck it! I want you, and a house and kids. I want to wake up beside you seventy-five years from now and still think you're the most beautiful woman on the face of the planet, wrinkles and all! That's what I want! And if it takes me moving to Kyoto to be near you, I will!" He leaned in close to her, making sure she could see the truth plainly written in his eyes.

"Why couldn't you have figured all of this out a year ago, Inuyasha?" Kagome asked, looking away from him, but not before he saw the moister gathering at the corners of her lashes. "How am I supposed to believe that you're here because you truly love me and not just because you miss having someone around that looks like her? How are we supposed to move on?" Kagome desperately wanted an answer. Desperately wanted for him to come up with some kind of miracle that could wipe away all the pain and misunderstanding that stretched out between them, but she just didn't believe that it was possible.

"I don't have an easy answer, Kagome, but I'm willing to try to start over if that's what it takes for you to trust me again. I'll wait however long it takes for you to love me again!" He reached out and grasped her hand in his own. He willed her silently to let him back into her life. A shaky sob from the woman next to him surprised Inuyasha. He tried to drop her hand, but Kagome tightened her grip on his fingers.

"No," she choked out, "don't let me go, please." Inuyasha moved from the chair to sit beside her on the bed and wrap and arm around her shoulders. His ears perked up a little in hope.

"I've never stopped loving you Inuyasha, I-I-I doubt I ever could." She allowed herself to lean against him, and felt his arms tighten around her, "I love you with all my heart, but I'm not ready to give it back to you…But if…But if you'll wait…I'm willing…to try again." Inuyasha's ears were at full-mast now and the look of love and tenderness in his amber orbs was strong enough to rival their intensity from moments before. He leaned down to nuzzle Kagome's cheek, but she held up a hand to stop him.

"No, if we're starting over then we actually have to talk first. There are things you should know…that you deserve to hear from me. For the first time in our lives, we have to communicate!" Inuyasha snorted as he bent over and started untying his shoe laces.

"I mean it! There are important things you need to know!" But she didn't sound as determined as she has a moment ago. Inuyasha gently maneuvered Kagome down so that he could slip into the hospital bed with her. It was a tight squeeze, but that only meant he had to nestle her closer to his chest.

"We can talk in the morning, Kagome. We can make all our decisions, tell all our secrets and set all our boundaries then, but right now I just need to hold you."

For once in her life, Kagome didn't run away. In fact, she stayed snuggled close to her mate all night long.

TBC.

AN

Because so many people have reviewed since I've been MIA I'm not even going to attempt to answer them…if you asked a question that hasn't been answered…then re-ask me or something….

Oh and thanks for all the enquiring emails after this story…I love you guys for reminding me that there is a life outside of my fucking text books.

And one last thing…YES I plan on finishing this story…and TWTHE too…

In fact FL:FL only has three chapters left…

Well, really only one chapter and duel epilogues…

I love you all…and thank you for your patients

Tootles!

Hitomi Lei AKA The Purple Ghost


	10. Chapter 8: Forever in a Jar

Disclaimer: I still don't own Inuyasha.

AN: Wow…it's been like a year…I can't believe it. But here you go. The finished product. Look for the duel epilogues after this. I love you all for sticking around.

Chapter 8: Forever in a Jar

* * *

_know that I'll love you to the end of time_

* * *

The sun was just coming up in its normal place when he woke up. In those first few seconds after he opened his eyes, panic clawed at his insides. He'd seen this ceiling, smelled this horrible scent of illness and cleaner, felt these same scratchy sheets. In a moment he was back in another hospital, in another life, pain ripping through his body while his right leg was strangely numb. Doctors and nurses and machines sustaining light one beep at a time.

Oh, God…had he just imagined leaving this place? Had he been here the whole time? Had he ever existed outside these ugly walls?

Then Kagome moved. She only shifted slightly in his arms, but it was enough to bring him back from whatever edge he'd been teetering on. And it all came back. The five years he'd lived with her in Tokyo. The time they'd spent with Miroku, Sango, and the baby. The times they'd laughed.

Kikyou.

The last night Kagome had cried.

Inuyasha swore, or sighed. It was really a combination of the two, and used his free hand to rub at the sleep grit in his eyes.

Two months. Two months, one week, and four days. The length of time he had been separated from Kagome. Inuyasha could have broken it down into hours, minutes, and seconds, but the time really didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was that he was with her again. That he would never voluntarily leave her side again. He thought over the past months and realized that he had ceased to exist the moment this woman walked out of his life.

He wondered if her life had stopped too.

His trip to L.A had taught him things about Kagome he'd never known. She was amazingly resilient. For the first time he felt guilty for convincing her to stay in Japan with him all those years ago. He'd never thought about how much her family must have missed her. In that moment he vowed that just as soon as she was better he would take her back to see her family. In fact, when he finally got her to agree to marry him, he'd pay for her family to fly to Japan. Every last one of them if he had too.

Just to make her happy. Everything from now on would be to make her happy. Just as long as she never left him.

He didn't even let himself consider what would happen if she couldn't forgive him once they finally talked.

Failure was not an option.

* * *

It took Kagome longer to wake up. Inuyasha remembered that it always had. It was amazing the littlest things about a person that one took for granted until forcible reminded of them. Like the fact that Kagome woke up in three stages.

In the first stage she made little huffing noises. It was as if she was totally disgusted with the fact that she had to wake up. Her nose wrinkled. She frowned so deeply that her forehead creased.

The next stage had Kagome wiggling around, trying to pull the covers back over her head, or generally doing anything to block the light from her eyes. She was mostly awake at this point, and not very happy about it.

The final stage came when Kagome admitted defeat. She would drag the covers from her head and squint into the sunlight. Next came the fumble for the clock and the grumble that she could have slept at least five more minutes.

It was so predictable.

And Inuyasha had missed it terribly.

"Inuyasha?" Her voice was raw with sleep and the tears she'd cried the day before. He turned onto his side and propped up on his elbow so he could see her better.

"Yeah?" He answered, using his other hand to smooth through her hair.

"God, I though it was a dream." Kagome let his hand rest against the side of her face for a moment before setting up. She pulled her shoulders up from their tired slump, and looked back down at Inuyasha. The dark smudges under her eyes were a silent testimony to all that still stood between them.

"Inuyasha, we really have to talk. There are things that we can't put off talking about anymore, because if we do we'll never talk about them." She swung her legs over the side of the bed and reached over to unplug her I.V from the wall.

"Do we really have to talk about all of the bad stuff? Can't we just forget and move on with our lives?" He watched as she wrapped the electric cord around the base of the pole.

"No, we have to get this out in the open if we ever hope to move on from here. Now, I'm going to use the restroom to freshen up. Why don't you go get coffee or something? And tell the nurses not to come into the room for awhile." She shut the bathroom door behind her before he could protest. Inuyasha sat there for a moment before getting up. He had a feeling that this would not be an easy day for either of them.

* * *

Two steaming cups of coffee and a half eaten bagel set between them on a wheeled table. Inuyasha shifted uncomfortably from the chair he'd pulled up close to her bed. Kagome hadn't been inclined to start the conversation she said they needed to have after he'd gotten back with the food and coffee. She'd just sat there and picked at the bagel he'd brought with her coffee. The room was silent except for the noises outside the door. From down the hall an IV started to alarm. The sound seemed to rouse Kagome from her thoughts.

"I've been sitting here thinking about all the things we never talked about. There are so many things that have stood between us for seven years. I…I don't know if we can talk about everything…" She looked worriedly out the window. Inuyasha stood up and moved the rolling table away from Kagome's bed. He then sat down at its foot, facing her.

"Kagome, listen to me. We have the rest of our lives to talk this stuff out. We don't have to do it all at once." He tried to catch her eyes and smile, but she just shook her head and refused to meet his eyes.

"No, no we have to talk about it now. Because by tomorrow you'll be able to convince me that none of this matters anymore. You'll take me back to Tokyo and sure, things will be better for a while, but nothing would have really changed." She looked at him with earnest eyes now, trying to make him understand. "We need to talk about high school…why I keep leaving…And Kikyou…"She trailed off. Inuyasha wanted to take her hand, but he didn't want her to think that he was trying to use her feelings against her. Instead he pulled his legs into a more comfortable position and made his own request.

"I'd like you to tell me about those years you spent in America. I've never asked…but I should have." She looked at him strangely but didn't disagree.

"Okay, I'll tell you whatever you want to know." They sat in another long silence. Finally Inuyasha could take no more. He cleared his throat.

"So…why did you leave in high school…Without saying goodbye, I mean?" He tried not to let her see how much her leaving him had hurt. Both times. He absently reached up to pat the letter she'd left him. The sound of crinkling paper quietly underscored his question.

"I…I saw you and Kikyou…together at the senior dance---"

"So you left because of that?" He was suddenly angry. So little had sent her out of the country? "Damn it, Kagome what if you were wrong? Did you even stick around long enough to find out the truth or did you leave that fucking night?" Kagome bristled. Surely he wasn't getting mad at her over this. She wasn't the one who kept secrets. She folded her arms across her chest and glared at the man setting cross-legged in front of her. She didn't notice that she was mirroring his body position to the perfectly.

"Of course! I asked Sango and Miroku what was going on. I'm not stupid! They had known about you two for a long time! And **_you_** never told me! That hurt! I left because there was no place for me here, obviously!" She reached out and poked him in the chest with that last word, driving her point home with her fingernail. Inuyasha winced, but didn't stop her assault. He just reached out and poked her back in the shoulder to punctuate his next statement. Two could play the pointing game.

"What do you mean? Just because Kikyou and I went out doesn't mean you had to leave! Shit, you still hung out with Sango and Miroku after they got together didn't you?" Inuyasha sat back and waited for her to answer. She surely couldn't get around the logic there.

"But I wasn't in love with Miroku! You might have been oblivious to how I felt, but I know Kikyou wasn't! You both should have told me! I shouldn't have been the last to find out…So I left. You chose her, and I couldn't live with the fact that you had kept it from me. In fact I thought that you wouldn't even notice I was gone." Inuyasha glanced guilty away toward the window quickly but Kagome caught it. She wanted to ask just how long it took him to realize she'd left the country…but knew that what ever answer he gave would only bring her pain. Some things really were best left unsaid.

"I didn't," he had to stop and clear his throat again, all the anger he'd been feeling just a moment ago was draining away. He could see her point. He didn't know if he'd have stayed if he'd been in her place. "I didn't mean to hurt you then. I convinced myself that if I waited and told you at graduation that you would be happy. I think Kikyou would have told you earlier, but didn't argue when I suggested surprising you. I think deep down we knew you would be upset and we were putting it off."

"I know that you didn't plan on hurting me. No one ever plans on hurting the people closest to them. I was just tired of always coming up short. Back then I felt like everything I did was measured with the yardstick of Kikyou's accomplishments. And I always came up short no matter how I much I tried. So I went to a place where no one would ever compare me to Kikyou again."

"And in America…did you find that?" He didn't want to know about her life without him. He didn't want to know how easy it had been for her to forget him. But he needed to hear it. He felt like a person who couldn't leave their band-aid alone. He had to pick at it. But then, maybe this scar needed air.

"Yes I did. For the first time in years I wasn't apart of a trio, or the odd one out in a couple. I got into a good college and made new friends. I met a nice man, and thought I could forget about you. Houjo was nice…and really the exact opposite of you." Kagome smiled a bit at the memory and Inuyasha fought down a growl. She wasn't supposed to be smiling at the memory of this other man. But he reminded himself that he'd asked for this story. And he'd made his choice back then.

"But I was still so lonely. I just didn't realize how much I missed Japan until that night. It was our anniversary the night Sango called. I…Like I said I thought that I was over you, but I left him without a second thought. And it was over a week before I even remembered to call him to say I got here safe." She made a helpless gesture with her hands and then caught his eyes so he would know the truth of her next words.

"I never stopped loving you, and I was willing to forgive everything…that's why for five years I was content with being her replacement. But I want…no, need something to call my own! I need to know that at least some thing in this life is just mine! You refused to marry me…and after we…made up…" She refused to call it making love. That wasn't love at all. But she couldn't quite bring herself to call it fucking, or screwing. "You called out her name!" She was starting to get upset again. How dare he come to her after that! And this mating thing…how could he have done that with Kikyou on his brain? Kagome noticed Inuyasha's ears sinking down into his hair. A sure sign that he was distressed, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

"Kagome you have to understand---"Inuyasha could see her anger rising in her eyes and strove to cut down the fury before it begin. He had to make her see it wasn't what she thought. Why were all their problems the result of misunderstandings?

"No! How can anyone understand that? You took me without me knowing and then called out her name? How dare you! Tell me why I shouldn't hate you?" She spat out. Inuyasha took a deep breath to try to control himself. God know they didn't both need to be shouting.

"You don't understand…that night I had a dream that Kikyou told be it was okay to move on."

"Okay to move on?" Kagome snorted.

"No, let me finish…For five years I felt so damn guilt about that night! About those years! Our whole fucking relationship fell apart after you left and I blame myself. I didn't want to make the same mistakes with you, but I didn't know how not to make those mistakes. So you left. But I want you to know that I didn't call out her name because I was confusing the two of you." He leaned over close to her with his next words, taking her chin in his clawed hand to make sure she caught every syllable.

"I never, ever, mixed the two of you up. Not even in my dreams. You were never her replacement. Ever. And my relationships with each of you were different. You make me want to laugh and pull out my hair at the same time. You're so damn frustrating! You drive me crazy, and I still don't know what you're thinking most of the time, but I love you regardless. With Kikyou it was different. We never got on each other's nerves, and even when we were fighting she was so civil. She never raised her voice. Even in the end she didn't even scream…." His voice faded off as he got caught in the memories again. The silent fights…truck lights reflected in her eyes…the crunch of metal…his scream, not hers echoing in his ears….

"Do you mean it?" Kagome asked, looking at him intently. Inuyasha shook off his memories and met her eyes. He got the feeling that his whole future rested on his response to her question.

"I mean everything I just said." He stated firmly. Willing her to believe in his words, but knowing that it would take a long time and many repetitions for her to remember them in her heart.

"Even the part about never getting us confused?"

"Yes."

"Why did you mark me after you refused to marry me?" Kagome watched as he shifted uncomfortably. Good, he should feel uncomfortable. He deserved more than just getting his comfort disturbed for his selfish act. He'd taken her free will from her that night…something that was sacred had been lost. She'd never be free to make certain choices for herself ever again.

"I…I could feel you slipping away. It…it was just instinct…I wanted to keep you with me…but I couldn't let history repeat itself. I was afraid that if I made any kind of commitment to you that it would turn out the same as with Kikyou. In fact, the next day, after I claimed you I went to see Kikyou for the last time. I was going to propose that night and tell you about what I'd done the night before…but you never came home." He looked down ruefully, "I went a little crazy after that. I woke up Miroku and Sango and yelled at them for about an hour. I don't think I showered for a week. Sess was ready to kill me. I just wanted you back. I never stopped looking for you."

Kagome looked at him helplessly. How was she supposed to argue with that? Why couldn't they have just talked about their insecurities like normal people? Why did it take things like imminent death and abandonment to drive them to communicate?

"Oh, Inuyasha…what are we going to do? Can we ever be together with all this standing between us? Can you ever trust me not to leave again? Will I ever get over my hang ups about the past?" She let her face rest in her palms and her shoulders started to shake. Inuyasha wasted no time in moving over to her side. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his lap.

"Hey, don't cry! Haven't you been listening to a thing I've said you stupid girl? I'm willing to do anything to prove that to you. I want us to get married and have children and live. All this other stuff…it doesn't matter anymore!" He rocked her back and forth until her sobs calmed down.

"Tell me about what you've been doing here?" He asked when she'd been quiet for a while. He knew that she'd been working with her aunt, but he knew little else. Obviously she'd met Kouga again somehow. He wondered if Kagome had looked him up in hopes of using the wolf youkai to help her move on. He was too caught up in his own thoughts to notice how she stiffened at his question.

"Did you know that I went to see your parents in L.A when you disappeared? I think they hate me." He changed the subject again. Maybe he really didn't want to know about what she'd been doing these last two months. "I think they hate me for taking you so far away. In fact after you get out I want the two of us to go visit them." Kagome sat up and moved as far away as he would let her. Which wasn't far, but at least she tried. She needed to tell him about Shippou now. She'd not wanted to bring the little boy up until she was reasonably sure that she'd be able to work out her troubles with Inuyasha.

"Inuyasha, I have something else to tell you. I…I…well, what you have to understand is that I was determined to move on when I came here. I was determined that I would have a happy life without you so I----"

The door to the hospital room flying open startled them. Inuyasha swung at the door and was ready to yell at who ever it was, but the sight of a young fox kit standing in the opening stopped him. He tried not to scrawl, the kid probably just had the wrong room, but he couldn't have barged in at a worse time.

"Hey kid! You got the wrong---"

"Kagome, is he hurting you? You've been crying!" Shippou ran into the room and stood beside Kagome's bed glaring at Inuyasha. His lolly-pop fell on the ground in his haste to defend Kagome. "If you hurt my new mom I'll tell Kaede, and she's a miko. She can purify you!" The little boy looked like he was about to give Inuyasha's dangling leg a swift kick. Kagome foresaw his actions and sought to gain Shippou's attention again. Nothing good would come out of him kicking Inuyasha.

"No Shippou, Inuyasha isn't hurting me, at least not anymore." She slipped off of Inuyasha's lap and gestured for Shippou to come closer to the side of the bed. She carefully picked him up and cradled him in her lap. With an absent hand she pulled his shirt collar up to whip away the sticky residue from his forgotten candy.

"Did you come with Kaede, squirt?" She made a point of not even glancing at Inuyasha. She didn't want to see his reaction. If he was against adopting…then…Kagome didn't know what she would do…but she wasn't going to abandon Shippou. He'd had too much tragedy already.

"Yeah, and she brought you some clothes. I got to help pick them out too. I told her that I knew what you liked to wear best so she let me help. It's your green shirt with the pink jewel thingy on the front…and a pair of really comfy looking shorts. But you can't change now, because Kaede has your clothes. The nurses won't let her come up. I got tired of waiting on them to figure it all out so I came on my own." Kagome couldn't help brushing a hand through the kitsune's red hair. Oh, the little youkai had changed so much since she'd brought him home. Inuyasha just had to accept him, because Kagome couldn't give him up.

"Why does he smell like you? Is he the person you're mated too?" Shippou looked from Inuyasha to Kagome and decided that their stunned silence meant he could ask more questions. "Does that mean I get a dad too? He's a dog youkai…or at least part huh? I can tell by the ears. I don't have fox ears…but I do have a tail. I just keep it hidden. Do you want to see it? Wait I can't show you because of the pants I'm wearing. It's really fluffy and---"

"Keh, you ask too many questions brat." Inuyasha interrupted. His tone of voice wasn't mean even though his words were. Shippou peered at him for a moment, as if trying to guess his intent, then smiled.

"I like you. Maybe you can teach me how to fight and ride my bike and all the other things dads are supposed to teach their kids." Shippou looked hopeful and Inuyasha looked out of his depth. Kagome intervened before the situation could get anymore out of hand.

"Does Kaede know that you left?" She asked the kit sternly. At his sheepish look she sat him down on the floor again.

"You'd better go let her know before she worries. And tell the nurses that it's okay to let her come up."

"Okay! I'll be right back! Don't leave Inuyasha!" He raced for the door without looking back. Kagome finally got the courage to look over at the man sitting at the foot of her bed. Inuyasha was still looking quite shocked.

"I…Before Shippou came in I was trying to tell you about him. I found out pretty early on that I couldn't forget about you. So I decided that if I couldn't move on and fall in love with another person, I could at least have children without you…so I started the process of adopting Shippou. I have to stay in Kyoto for the next six months…" Kagome waited anxiously for Inuyasha to respond. After a bit he shook his head as if to forcible remove his thoughts.

"When you first started…I thought you were going to tell me that there was someone here that you'd met. But…I don't know if this is worse or better…You really wanted to forget me didn't you?"

"No, I just wanted to move on. I wanted a normal life and I didn't think you were capable of giving me that. I wanted to prove that I didn't need you or anyone…that's how it started anyway, but I really love Shippou. His father and mother both died when he was young, Inuyasha he doesn't have anyone! He needs a family!"

"Hey, you don't have to convince me! I remember what it's like to grow up with just Sess for a parent. He doesn't seem like such a bad kid even if he does ask too many questions. If you really want this thing then I'll stand behind you. I'll try to be the best dad for him that I can be."

He pulled her back into his arms for a kiss that had been too long in coming. She melted into his embrace and had to remind herself that her aunt and Shippou would be back at any moment. This was the contentment she'd been so desperately searching for. This was the acceptance that her life had lacked.

Maybe…just maybe they would make it after all.

* * *

_Humans can only work with what fate gives them,_

_They have to fight for every bit of happiness they have,_

_This is how you build Ever After in a realistic fairytale,_

_One fall, one second kiss, one broken heart, _

_One brick at a time._

The End.

I would like to say thanks to everyone who stuck it through to the end. I couldn't have done this without you. I feel sad that this is over…well, almost over…I still have the last two Epilogues…but really those will only mirror the prologues in telling a first person account of the rest of their lives.

Next I'll finish The World Through His Eyes…then I'll start other projects. Maybe something lighter next time?

I hope so…but you never know with my muse….

Well, until next time…


	11. Epilogue Part One: For Life

Disclaimer: I still don't own Inuyasha.

Epilogue 1: For Life

_Don't promise me happy endings,_

_Just give me forever, _

_I'll gladly live through the bad times._

_As long as this never ends_

…And they all lived Happily Ever After…

As a child I dreamed of my happy ending. I dreamed of a white knight, or a prince, or a savior…and a tender love that never ever questioned its own existence. It was just supposed to spontaneously combust in my heart as soon as my eyes met his.

That's where the fairy tales normally stop. Happy endings get passed out like candy and the princess fades into contented nothingness. There aren't any complications.

The princess never has to worry about dishwater hands, or stretch marks, or marriage counseling. Or raising a son who wasn't even in the same species as his adopted mother.

The princess doesn't have to lock her prince out of their bedroom for two days because he wants to name their first born daughter after…the other woman….the one who got away…the one who will always appear young in his memory, untainted by gravity and baby weight.

The princess in the fairytale doesn't get to wake up every morning and cook breakfast for her family, or steal kisses from her husband when her children aren't looking, and sometimes when they are, just so that they can see that mommy and daddy _love_ each other.

She doesn't get to watch all the first, but more importantly she misses all the seconds too.

Like the second step her baby takes after he's just fallen down for the first time.

Like the second time her husband kisses her on their wedding night.

Like the second house, the second school, the second scraped knee, the second first birthday, the second anniversary, the second fight, the second round of make-up sex...

Because the first time is simply an instinctual reaction to the circumstances at the time, but the second…you can simply enjoy the second time for what it is. Survive the first times, _experience_ the seconds.

My life after Inuyasha came back into it, _for the second time_, was far from perfect. And I surly didn't fall in love with him on first sight. No, it took years and years for the feelings in my heart to grow into what they are now. Years of imperfect, wonderful moments that all equal up to a life lived to the fullest.

I left Inuyasha both times because I didn't think his life had room for me, and I went out to make a life for myself where there was plenty of room to grow. But I found that life without Inuyasha was no life at all. In fact, I found that he was my life.

So I came back.

I was released from the hospital on the condition that we seek council with a trans-species mating expert. Inuyasha was the one who left his life behind for me this time. He moved to Kyoto and started working at the local branch office of the company. We saw that therapist, and I'm not too proud to admit that she probably saved our relationship. Love will only get you so far…and Inuyasha and I had a lot of muddy water under our bridge.

We lived there for a year before he took me to see my parents like he promised. Not that I blame him. It was never the right time before that. Every time we planed to go something came up. Like Sango having her second child, or some holy day that the temple had to be prepared for, or Kouga winning the Olympics. But it was wonderful when we finally did get to go. I got to see my little brother graduate from college. I got to get married with my father beside me.

The moment was bittersweet because Sango and Miroku weren't able to make it to the ceremony.

After that we came back home to Tokyo. Aunt Kaede signed the shrine over to a historical society and moved to Hawaii. Inuyasha and I bought a house in the suburbs with a yard and a long commute into work. After that I got pregnant and got pregnant and got pregnant, and in the end looked around and realized that I'd never lose that extra thirty pounds I'd gained with Sae. I cried for a week before Inuyasha finally convinced me that it didn't matter to him. Just more to love, he said. As far as I'm concerned, after giving him four children (although I can't blame Shippou for any of the extra weight) that was the only thing he _could_ say and still expect to sleep in our room.

The rest of the story is boring. We lived too deeply to be happy all the time. There was the year Kikyou finally passed and I had to explain to my children why their daddy was crying.

There was my miscarriage and the knowledge that I couldn't have anymore children after Keiko, our baby boy.

There was the letter that came to inform us that Kaede had died peacefully in her little hut by the ocean. We scattered her ashes a month later.

But there were good times too. So many good times that it's hard to count them all.

Like when the judge told us that Shippou was officially our son.

Or the day Sango and Miroku moved in next door so that our children could grow up playing together.

And the time Inuyasha surprised me with a trip to Paris. He literally kidnapped me from work. I never will know how he got Sesshomaru to watch our brood for a week.

I left for life, I came back for love. It's as simple as that.

Oh, and did I mention that our middle child is named Kikyou? I thought about naming her Forgiveness, but Kikyou just seemed easier to remember.

-

So…one more Epilogue to go. This one will be from Inuyasha's point of view and will fill in all the holes. Like in the first set of these, Kagome tends to gloss over the finer points and Inuyasha has a clearer memory for exactness. Thanks for reviewing…I'll see you all soon.

The Purple Ghost


	12. Epilogue Part Two: For Love

Disclaimer: I still don't own Inuyasha.

AN: This epilogue was the hardest thing I've ever written. I don't know how good it is…but at least I tried. Enjoy, and don't complain if you hate it (-.-);;

Epilogue 2: For Love

* * *

_Give me forever in a nutshell_  
_ This is how the story ends_  
_ This is how the story ends_  
_ This is how the story ends_  
_

* * *

_

I don't have a unique story. The story of my life isn't all that different from the stories of the other six billion plus people who share air on this planet. I didn't take a road less traveled or any thing like that. My story's about a boy who met a girl and almost lost the girl because he was too full of shit to know a good thing when he had it. Boy chases girl to ends of the earth to apologies, girl forgives boy for being a stupid ass. They start over. Rinse. Repeat. You all might think I'm kidding, but this is my life with Kagome in a nutshell, with a few exceptions, of course. Like, she no longer runs to the ends of the earth (probably because she doesn't trust me to watch the kids for long periods of time) but she has an annoying habit of locking me out of the bedroom when she's pissed. But I'm getting already of myself.

It took me a year to convince Kagome that she _really_ did love me enough to marry me. A year of working for Sesshomaru in our Kyoto branch, a year of living in a cold down town apartment while she lived in the shrine with the old woman and the kid.

A year of going to therapy three times a week to work on our 'communication' skills.

A year of slowly getting to know parts of her that I'd never taken the time to explore.

A year of falling in love with her again.

And again.

And again.

Each day brought new surprises, and made me wonder if I'd ever really known her at all. Miroku and Sango visited as often as work and a new baby allowed, and Kagome and I became close with the wolf and his brood. It was a good year, but it was only the beginning.

We got married in America a week after Kagome's little brother graduated from college. None of our friends could attend, but seeing Kagome's eyes when she found out that her father was going to walk her down the aisle was worth the disappointment. After that we moved back to Tokyo and started working on our dreams.

Kagome opened her own interior decorating firm and started to over charge the rich and famous of Japan.

We bought a house and a car and worried about whether to send Shippou to a private school or a public school.

Kagome got pregnant. I suggest we name the baby Kikyou. She locked me out of the bed room. I apologized with a night out and flowers. We named our first little girl Sae.

What you have to understand is that Kikyou wasn't just the other woman. She had been my best friend since I was three and getting picked on for having ears and funny hair. She'd been there when we buried my mom, and a year later when my dad died. She helped me pass the seventh grade when the stress of living with Sess became too much. She'd been a big part of my past, and if Kagome would just let go of the past, she'd remember that Kikyou had been her best friend too, once-upon-a-time. I just wanted a way to remember the good times without always focusing on the bad things that happened way back then.

Kagome might not have understood my feelings for Kikyou, but she still stood by my side and supported me when my childhood friend finally died. There weren't many of us there at the funeral, just Miroku and Sango, Kagome and I, and a few of the nurses who had taken care of Kikyou for the years that she'd been in the coma. I can truly say that I couldn't have made it through without Kagome. She didn't say much, but just the fact that she'd come with me was enough.

Four months later, when we found out we were having another little girl Kagome suggest that we name her Kikyou. We never really talked about her change of heart, but that doesn't really matter. Naming our third child Kikyou was Kagome's way of telling me that the past was finally firmly behind us and I was too glad to ask questions.

How do you put forever in a nutshell? How do you condense the emotions of a life time of really _living_ into such a small space?

We lived through births and deaths (we buried the miscarried child, but Kagome couldn't bring herself to name it).

We survived our children going off to college and retirement.

We survived years and years of marriage to the same person and still manage to feel butterflies.

Our story isn't all that different from all the other billions of stories that are being created right now. But it's our story and it doesn't have an end.

I've lived every minute of every day for love. Kagome's my forever in a nutshell.

- - -

The End

I'd like to thank every single person who has ever read this story, whether you review or not. It's been a long time coming, and wasn't supposed to take nearly this long. I want to encourage you all to live with as much passion as you can muster. I know it sounds cheesy, but try to squeeze everything you can out of your time here sharing air.

Goodbye.


End file.
